One of my coworkers has really taken it upon himself to encourage me to live life more. Asking me how I am, about my love life, giving me advice and compliments. I appreciated it at first, I still do I guess, but its getting on my nerves…
Hes “triggering” me. Jesus. So much that i went to the bathroom on my break and cried last week. And ive relapsed to crying every day since. Why? Because of the awful reminder that im lonely.
I had lulled myself into a state of “okness” by smoking weed off work. Like, all the time. Originally I intended to only use it for sleep but that slowly grew to me being varying degrees of high throughout the entire day.
Every Friday, the only day we work together, he asks me what i did that week. And my answer is always nothing. Nothing. God thats depressing. Sure, im nowhere close to the absolute recluse i was before but I still dont go out partying or hang out with anyone. He then proceeds to ask me so what AM i doing with my time, then that im wasting my youth, etc,.
I KNOW THAT!!! FUCK! Stop reminding me. Or dont. I guess i need the wake up call.
It is a little weird that he keeps asking for a picture of me all dolled up in a sexy dress. Supposedly to send it to one of my “suitors”. Something about me hiding my beauty and always lamentimg that ill never see it. I dont know how i feel about sending a picture like that to a married man old enough to be my father, with 2 kids. Hes not asking for a nude or necessarily to be dressed scantily but… you know… hmm. HMMM.
Before all this, I thought I was really improving my life. Ive been hitting the gym regularly, dropped a couple sizes, changed my wardrobe some (no jackets all the time, revealing my forearms and ankles, *GASP* I know, dude i even worked up the nerve to wear a tight off-the-shoulder shirt. Was so uncomforta ble the whole time, i ended up walking to Target for a Hogwarts T-shirt and changing in the bathroom. Fuck im such a prude) doing my nails and some makeup.
This month ive had more men asking for my number, catcalling or trying to start conversation than ive had in my entire life. Its boosted my self esteem a little but nooo, thats not enough for my coworker. GO OUT ANNIE! Ok, I am, fuck! Wait nevermind, im too shy and socially awkward. I dont think he realizes to what extent my awkwardness truly goes and how much i loathe myself.
Ok, i feel a little better. Off to the library now because thats my idea of going out. Actually ive been studying Arabic during my free time because fuck it, im learning Arabic this year. I can recite all 28 letters, recognize and write all 4 forms of most of them, and can write basic words from the english transliteration in arbic script. YEAH. GO ME.
19 comments
It is a little weird that he keeps asking for a picture of me all dolled up in a sexy dress.
Get the fuck away from him. I’m an old creeper and even I don’t pull that shit. I’d love you to put him in his place but this isn’t a time for games. Next time he says anything remotely like that say: “You make me uncomfortable when you say that. Do not ever say that to me again.” If he argues or pretends not to hear you go to his boss.
Keep studying Arabic. Intelligence agencies pay translators well. Easy work.
Meh. Many grow out of social awkwardness. Practice makes perfect. I was an amazing spaz, but I kept trying until I developed my own unique aroma. Then I was pretty hot for a while. Then I became an old creeper. Soon I will return to the river I was born in, lay my eggs, and die.
Uh. Anyway, try online dating. You can write an intelligent profile and then berate men for not reading it. Eventually you will find a guy whose awkwardness matches your own.
Also, give up on the self-loathing. You are completely normal. If you have electricity and running water then you are doing much better than half the world. Rejoice!
Laa shay’a waqi’un moutlaq bale kouloun moumkine ?
Wisely true 🙂
“Ay Na’am”
I hope i grow out of it. From 1st grade to 12th, i can only recall 2 times ive gone out with friends, ever. Both times i was horribly nervous. AHHHHHH
I hope I can do something with Arabic. I dont know, i just got it in my head one day to learn it. Ok. Truthfully, it was so i could speak with my crush, since he didnt seem fully comfortable speaking English. Oh my god he was cute with those light brown eyes, loved his voice too. But too many rumors surrounding his dating status. ANYWHO LOL thats its own mess. Now i just refuse to stop learning it.
Oh replied to the wrong person, oops. But yeah. One day ill be able to know what u said there! Arabic sounds so pretty and reminds me of Spanish. Even though i dont understand a lick of what theyre singing, i find Surah recitation soothing.
Some people need to be told that they mean well but they are being counter productive.
So the old “send me sexy pictures so I can find you a date” still works? Time to gas up my van and hit the playground. Seriously the guy’s not just a creep, he’s an amateur creep. Your anxiety instincts are correct.
LOL
Try this: next time he asks for a sexy picture, say: “Let’s do a trade. I’ll give you a photo if you give me your wife’s number. Deal?”
OMG brilliant!!! YES!!! Totally do that.
Can you say….CREEPER!!! That dude is seriously etch-a-sketch, steer clear of him. I have met plenty of men like him in my past, trust me…you don’t want any part of it.
My last encounter like that ended up with me calling the police and having them have a talk with the guy.
Oh, you should also report him to the manager for sexual harrassment.
I was gonna say….the same thing…damn net went out on me….
I wish creepers didn’t exist. The world would be a better place. I think it time we all got mean and nasty towards them. Congratulations on dropping some dress sizes, I’m working on losing weight too. The towel the I placed around me after the shower could actually touch.
Hey Annie,
first of all,
since, I think, this is ur first post
Welcome 🙂
second of all,
I think you have a point
I won’t delve into whether or not this guy “should” be offering help or support
because I actually try to do the same thing here
& to say that he should not approach you
would be a double standard / hypocrisy from my side
but it’s important to point that if you do not welcome his help / support
or if this particular method of help or this particular person
is uneasy / discomforting / difficult for you to accept
then I think he should take note of that & respectfully leave you alone so as not to bother you any further
do you think it’s possible that you could directly tell him that you do not wish him to help you any further…
something along the lines of:
“I just wanna say thank you & I appreciate that you’re trying to help & support, but I really need to go through things on my own from now on / I’m doing okay on my own now & I need no further help from this point…”
try not to give any reasoning or explanation
one, you’re not obliged to
& two, it will only open a door for argument / counter-reasoning
just make it a simple plain statement & that’s it
third,
I do find his “picture request” awkward & concerning
it doesn’t make much sense what he said
nevertheless,
I’m a firm believer in “innocent till proven guilty”
so let’s assume, as ur title says, “he means well”…
& that he’s actually trying to find you a date
the question here is
did you ask him to?
if not,
is this something you’re welcoming?
cause if you did not ask & are not welcoming this
then there’s no point in him trying, right?
also,
I think
the concept of “innocent till proven guilty”
does not contradict the concept of “always be cautious & on guard when dealing with others”
so, okay,
we’r gonna adopt the possibility that he means well
but this adoption doesn’t cancel “the possibility” that he Might Not mean well
so, I’d say,
to be cautious & to protect ourselves
we’d, at the very least, politely refuse his request
straight forwards
without accepting any pushing or counter-argument from him
“sorry, but this is out of question / out of discussion for me, I don’t give out my pictures”
that’s it
polite but firm
If you want a more blunt approach… I like the above “Let’s do a trade” suggestion 🙂
fourth,
just a minor minor note
I’m a really really big fan of dressing modestly
& I think
if this is what makes you feel comfortable / yourself
please try not to let social / external pressures
force you into doing something you’re not comfortable with
of course this is by no means an obligation
& I don’t, at all, mean to intrude
it’s ur life & ur decision
finally,
I just want to let you know that I’m a native Arabic speaker here 🙂
so if you ever need help with anything or just wanna talk anytime
[in Arabic or English 😀 ]
I’m here
just in case,
my e-mail is:
farahlajeennouraldeen.1@gmail
okay love
tc
[
btw
I’m glad to know that you found a couple of things that brought some joy/wellness in ur life
could you please try to stick to that
I really hope you don’t do anything dark
okay
<3
]
Only issue is that some people from older generations dont pick up on the subtle hints one might give when the advice given is for whatever reason bad, or that they are even doing anything wrong. Best to just get it out in whatever form possible, like email or note or in person.
I didnt ask him to but i dont mind. Maybe he will find me my man lol who knows? At least someones taking initiative!
I’ll try not to cave to peer pressure. I guess now that im not “too fat for this”, im gaining the confidence to wear what i always wanted. For sure ill keep it classy though, i hope.
And thanks for the offer 🙂
To everyone concerned about the dude: I hope he means well too lol and will report him if thats not the case. It made me happy someone was concerned about my well being. Just the constant UR WASTING UR YOUTH speech was getting to me.