Okay before I give you any details in what’s happening now, let me start by saying me and this person have had beef together in the past. And.. we both liked each other.. not to sure we both like each other anymore. If you want to know about some of the past issues I have had with him check a few posts from 2016.
Moving on…
So the other night on snapchat I saw him making very concerning posts. Stuff like “I wish I died before the ambulance arrived at my house,” “I already know I’m not wanted, don’t have to remind me,” so on an so forth. Now, being the good friend that I am immediately messaged him over said social media asking him if he would want to talk… his reply “Goodnight Amanda”…. this infuriated me. Not only is this the second time he has done this to me but, he was also unintentionally saying “f**k off I don’t need your help”. Look I understand if you don’t want to talk about it to me. Just be blunt and tell me so (I told him that but not in the same exact sentance). The remainder of the night consisted of me getting 6 hours of terrible sleep because I was extremely worried for his safety.
Now we move onto the next day and he’s still making those concerning posts. I’m mad at him but I still Snapchat him to make sure he’s okay. He messaged me saying that he was leaving at 4. That’s the time I come into work. My response: K. Now I may have fueled the fire a bit there because it made it seem like I didn’t care but truthfully, I didn’t. He then asked me if I was mad at him too. I was and I told him the truth about how it upset me when he blew me off last night when I was trying to help. Then he went onto say “no one can help me” or something along the lines of that. I replied by saying ” you don’t ever try to look for help and I can tell it’s been a loooong ass time since you have” which yes I know I went overboard. In the moment I was pissed but mostly upset because of the way he treats me. But really he does not try at all to get help. He has done it to me and my sisters both. He refuses to listen to what we have to say. His response “fine be mad”. Then he went on to say that when I try and help him my best is never enough.. that hurt a lot because I really do try and I really fucking care about him but there’s only a limit to what I can do. I guess being there for him and trying my best to support him isn’t enough?
I can tell based on personal experience he has been pushed away by people before for trying to find help or been abandoned because he needs said help (I figured this because after we went off on each other I told him I’m leaving because obviously the conversation wasn’t going in the right direction and I didn’t want to upset him or make him feel worse than he already was. He then asked me if that meant I was going to stop talking to him. Which It did not. It meant I was going to take a break before I say something I really regret) . He’s completely blind to see people do wanna help him but he doesn’t put forth the effort to try and allow them to heal him. He has such high expectations for those who do and that’s what makes me angry. He expects people to solve all his problems. I just want the best for him but he won’t ever be happy if he keeps everything pent up inside himself..
I hate to say this but I’m really beginning to feel like this is a toxic friendship…
2 comments
Many years ago, when I was 18 (I’m just shy of 35 now), I was behaving like your friend. This was of course before the times of social media, when people used phones as phones, but I digress…
After one particularly awful night that I spent sitting on a bench on a bridge and failing to build up the courage required to jump, I came home and wrote an extremely unsettling email to my best friend. The next morning, she called my school and it was a huge, embarrassing scene. I was really, really mad at her for a while. But as my mood improved over the next few months, I forgave her. And now, 17 years later, I’m grateful that she loved me enough to do that.
Your friend may not understand how you feel, and he may not care. There is only so much that you can do as a friend. Everyone has their limits. But as long as you haven’t reached yours, I wouldn’t worry if he’s mad at you. All you can do is keep offering your support in your own way. Maybe he will appreciate it and maybe he won’t. But surely offering it to him will not make anything worse than it already is for him.
Hey Gerbz, it’s been a while since I’ve seen you on here.
I think you’re doing all the right things in this scenario. With the way things are currently, it’s quite easy to get frustrated with him. As HelpINeedSomebody said, all you can do is keep offering your support. It’s up to him whether he wants it or not. It sounds like he’s in a real rough spot, and I appreciate that you’re doing your best to help him, regardless of how you feel toward him.