Can’t swim.

Do you ever just feel like your drowning? Nothing you can do… nowhere to hide. Alone and scared… just like no one is there to help you swim back up to the top. Well i do. For a long time I’ve never been able to use the words me in relation with dying. When i try to tell someone they shut me down and talk about their selves when i try to explain to the that this is important. Everyone tells me on my social media and school they hope i die and I’ve been bullied my whole life. The other day i tried telling my best friend but i always end up dwelling up in tears and i just shut myself down after that. I would never be able to see the look on her face if i told her, i would be even more heart broken than i already am. Just recently my mom cheated on my dad, its the third time she did it to. He finally kicked her out and i’m devastated knowing that my dad asked her to come back to live with us and she said no and i just know its all my fault she left. i have two cats or at least i did. This week i just got surgery on my stomach because i have cancer and they were trying to remove it before it got to deep. I’ve been in pain all week, today my dad just took my cats to a shelter where their going to put them down because he doesn’t like the cats. Also as soon as my mom left he went out and started dating another girl i was so upset when he kissed her before i met her. I’m so mad, i shouldn’t have to worry about those things. I have nobody that will help me swim to the other side of the pool through this right now. When i try to tell my close friends they just ignore me and tell me they have bigger problems! I’m only but so young to have so much pressure on my shoulders, i have to make strait A’s or i get grounded to the point where i have to stay in my room with only a bed and food. I can only deal with so much! If you give me a job to do i do it, even if i don’t like it i’m afraid ill get beat to death by the girls in my school if i don’t listen to them. I just can’t! That’s my story of me drowning..