I wish I was good enough… even just for a bit.

I wish for once even for a bit… That someone truly cared enough to be there for me, emotionally. I don’t have any friends or family… I do but I don’t, really. No one gives a chit about me. Anytime I try to reach out for help… I get some bullcrap story about how they can’t talk.
I am always there for everyone when they need something but there’s no one there for me.

My life has turned into such chit. There’s never a happy moment in my life anymore and I’m getting tired of lying to myself about how things could get better tmrw if I just let all negativity go… If I shut my fkn mouth and take the abuse from others… Maybe it will end but after 30+ years of abuse… I know first hand, it never ends.

I got served divorce and custody papers on Valentine’s Day. I met his girlfriend after she let herself in our apt cause she was lead to believe I’m gone for good. He tried to play us both but I found out long before I met her that. Actually, I met her once before when I came to check on things and found them in my bed together… Him holding her which hurt cause he stopped holding me a year ago. I scared the chit out of her but she still continued to see him and believe his lies.
He constantly accuses me of seeing someone else the 2 months we were physically separated. He beats the crap out of me over something I didn’t do when he’s actually the one who had an affair.
I currently have broken ribs and I had to give up
90% of my pain meds to him because he broke his hand, punching the fridge after I left cause he had really hurt me physically and emotionally.
Why do I stay here? Got no family or friends to help me out of my situation.
I honestly and I even pray… (Want) to die.
I’ve tried several things to end my life but I’m still breathing… Just barely atm cause my ribs are broken.
I don’t want anything from anyone except for someone to listen and talk to me about anything and everything but I’m not good enough.