I have made the decision to do this. I know it is what I want….what I need…..I can’t go on like this…..
and yet….and yet, I am so scared. Scared I will back out at the last second and make everything even worse. Scared it won’t work and I will be paralyzed. Scared it will work and the Catholics are right And I will end up in hell…..Scared it will really, really hurt.
I wish I could say goodbye to my friends and family and have them understand why I have to do this rather than talk me out of it or drag me to see another doctor who isn’t going to be able to help. ( And I’ve tried the whole “reaching out for help” thing. BUt it hasn’t seemed to help so far)
I’m scared and sad to be facing this all alone. But I guess it is all too appropriate: I’ve had to do almost everything in my life alone. Why should death be any different?
This is just really painful and I wish it weren’t.
4 comments
I’ve come to the conclusion people just really don’t care in the way we want or need them to in these moments of pain. I’m sorry that it seems to be true for you as well. You should do what is best for you, because life absolutely sucks too much to be doing what others want. Be that CBT or changing things in your life to make the ride, however long, more comfortable.
On that note, the unknown is terrifying, and, like you, I am scared. I hope you find peace with whatever you decide. Best of luck with your journey.
I’ve exactly the same thing, beeing scared to face this alone. I’m Quite sure to end up in hell, even facing hell together with someone instead of alone would make it easier. If you liek to talk mail me: stefan at deds.nl
I’m not sure what is making you feel so alone or sad. But I’m here for you if you need someone to talk to. I know what it’s like, I’ve been there, I think all of us have. But I want you to know that I’m here for you and you’re not alone. I hate seeing people sad, and it would be terrible to lose you, there is still so many things you can accomplish and lives you need to touch. Even if it’s for a brief moment. You mean something, and you’re not alone
First, the catholics aren’t right, no one knows what lies beyond and anyone that tells you otherwise is lying. religion has ruined enough lives, it can’t ruin our death.
Second, maybe the fear you feel is a sign that you don’t really want to die, but that you don’t see any other answer. At least for me, the only times i fear death are when i’m not sure it’s the only way.
Good luck whatever your choice may be, and know that i’ll be happy to help if i can