I’m not sure if I would rather cease to live or run away. I was fantasizing how I’d like to leave and make it look like I just disappeared. Set my coffee like it was set to brew, leave my purse where it hangs, and only take shoes from the back of my closet and go. I don’t know what would be worse for my family to think. I killed myself or disappeared. I’m the epitome of selfish, but I hate my life. I resent my husband, whom I divorced and remarried. I hate that I’m lonely and being a stay at home mom puts up barriers on top of my own barriers (social anxiety, shyness) to make friends or go out. I want to disappear, but to where and how, I’ll never figure it out. My mortality isn’t what I want to lose, just my actual life.
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
7 comments
I know how it can feel to be lonely. Most Moms can relate to feeling out of touch socially if they are at home. You are normal……. 🙂 Some women are just more skilled at making it look like everything is great 24/7 but the truth is, we all have times where we feel this way…….why do you say that you are the epitome of selfish?
If only it was it easy as printing off a new ID with a different name and clean record. I would be running away from different things, nothing illegal, but it would be nice to reinvent life or simplify it a little. I don’t have any real idea of what I would pursue or who I would want to be, but I would try my hardest not to be the man I am now.
I have a different view on this…..everyone roots for the underdog. So what if you royally f-d up at some point in life? The beauty of life is that you get to decide who you are….who else would?
If you turn it around, that is nothing to be ashamed about, but to the contrary, is an inspiration to others. Having a completely new name would remove the context and make your accomplishments more neutral….then you are just another good successful dude. Being the guy who messed up and then overcame it all…I’d have more respect for him. Wouldn’t you? Owning who you are, taking responsibility and being real and transparent about your past and where you want to go….now that is something. It is extremely rare for people to do this which makes it even more admirable. It is not the “easy” way out. What are you waiting for? Everyone loves a good “comeback”
That’s what keeps a person tuned into a drama about a deplorable human who has an epiphany and dismantles the madness that makes up his world. I dunno though, all the recognition and glory sounds great, but sometimes I am just desperate enough to get back to status quo vanishing sounds like I nice idea. Hypothetically speaking, I don’t need the glory that’s what I fight for, I want the short cut, that solution where one courageous act solves it all.
It all sounds nice at the end of the day, but it’s all a pointless geyser of vaporizing ass matter.
I’m the OP, here’s my unfiltered thoughts.
We divorced, won’t go into details. We remarried quickly with promises he’s changed. Hah. Here we are again penniless and looking at all our bills due with him not making any effort to find a new job. He switched jobs and it turned out to be a poor choice. He’s pushing me to be the breadwinner, but I won’t get anything but minimum wage being as I’ve never had much work experience taking care of my young kids. He could stroll out and get a job in a day getting 10-15/hour. He’s not a good provider, but I love Him nonetheless. I’m struggling to land an interview anywhere, min wage or not, KNOWING he will choose to be a lazy stay at home dad and leave all The housework to me anyways (it happened before) . I’m tired of being the house *****. Any money I make he’ll take and buy energy drinks and video games.
I want to run away from him. He’s lazy. He sucks the life of me. He racked up all this debt with no means to pay it. He doesn’t worry like I do. It keeps me up at night wondering how we can but toilet paper let alone rent. I want to join a military and leave for a few years and come back with experience and money to start a new life. At the same time I have plans with a belt and asphyxiation. I want to run away as an adult. Financial burdens are a trigger for depression and suicide, but it’s the worst idea. My life is a wreck. I’ll never achieve a thing in my life and be as poor as my family has always been. I don’t want to struggle like this.
You and your husband are the most important people in your childs life……he needs you both.