Fuck everything, I’m done. I’m just going to keep shooting the shit until I am ready to go. I am going to die sad and alone, and I have accepted that. I have wasted this life for this poor body and for that I must go. I can’t let this body rot more than it’s soul has.
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I have similar feelings, I want to dissappear
Wow- U got my attention, with the “FUCK” word.
Something I only say when, I am really, really angry 🙁
And I was just over at Ytube, autoplay and this 45 min. Joel Osteen thing came on about the power of words= You become what you say you will become/happen.
So I’m gonna try to say ONLY positive things about myself and situations today.
And see how that works out 4 me.
Btw, My life SUCKS really bad:(
Hope you will consider doing the same.
You sound like you NEED to FIGHT first…Get rid of some of that anger.
Then you will be (I hope) calmer and more willing to LOVE yourself:)
Here’s a song that helps to bring me to that place- Replace anger with love/hope.
Hope it works for you too.
(And btw I’m usually jumping around dancing when I play it really LOUDLY, helps me to release the anger and get back into a more reasonable mode of thinking, where I can love myself…Sometimes it just makes me laugh at myself (which also makes me STOP saying Fuck! (be angry).
Feel free to laugh at me too.
That’s the “Krazy Kathryn” me,
who does very happy and sometimes funny and crazy things, so I don’t hate my life so much.
Take care:)
https://youtu.be/xo1VInw-SKc
If link doesn’t work, this song that motivates me to FIGHT to get my life back (love it again) is by RACHEL PLATTEN called, “FIGHT SONG”.
Also available without words played by a young guy with a trumpet; Ask me if you need/want that link,
too.
(Yep, 4 me trumpets very powerful, my Dad who died when I was 9 played the trumpet + I know he wants me fighting to love my life again, too.
Ttyl.
Sorry to see U haven’t stopped back. Hope ur ok, and UN-DONE.
Would you believe when I went to YouTube to find a song I know with that name,
there was like 50 different songs titled “Undone”.
A shame I don’t have time now to listen to them all and/or find the one I was looking for (it’s really good), and why I wanted to share it with you.
Maybe you can/will?
I’ll give you a prize* if you can guess which song I was thinking of (im pretty sure name is undone).
I’m almost penniless so don’t expect sonething too extravagant or costly…
(Just kidding, of course).
Trust me UR not “done”, Really!
I get why you might want to be
(me too, at times) but there’s too many things keft to do/try YOU COULD NEVER IMAGINE,
if you just convince yoyrself to want to.
(Btw, you got nothing to lose, cause death, and HEAVEN, can wait a little longer).
There is no deadline set or expiration date, can be postponed, delayed and/or cancelled,
And totally up to you, cause you are the BOSS of your own life.
I’m just kinda pissed I wasted 2+ years of my life (not iving well) while I spent (wasted) so much time trying to make the “right” decision.
(I did FINALLY realize DEATH IS NEVER THE RIGHT DECISION.
I’m pretty sure I slways KNEW that but thought “my situation” (life circumstances + traumas) was an exception to the rule. I was WRONG.
No exceptions exist (other than a natural death, when our time is up.
Btw, After 2 years of intricate + complex planning, I FIRED myself as the Life/Death Project Boss…
Long story, but basically God told me he was more powerful + smarter than Me, so he was taking over for all DECISION-MAKING on that Project.
I never thought of suicide as a prohect and now after all this time (i guess close to a year I’ve visited here, I understand better why they chose that as site name).
I think when he (GOD) fired me, he said (sternly but lovingly) “I WILL NOT LET YOU DIE”.
He didn’t yell or anything, just took over+ surrending never felt so good and freeing.
In an instant I started loving and enjoying things again and really excited for those good things that will come.
I know this sounds a bit bizarre- but writing aboit it for a few reasons– And right now mainly to reinforce YOU NEVER KNOW, WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN NEXT.
Good or Bad, and sonetimes you gotta just wait, try something different, and if that hasn’t work, JUST SURRENDER, be still, listen, and let somebody else manage yoyr life + decisions gor awhile.
For me, being fired to decide about ny own suicide, was best thing that could have happened – And it’s not that I din’t start falling again into that “conversation” with myself occassionally (e.g. last night)…but then I do something (like my YT Suicide play LIST, that reminds me it’s not my decision anymore, and I go and try to *”love”sonething or someone and Im back living (with Joy + Peace).
Note: After GOD told me I could NOT die (on that day), he said the main problem I had to fix was about LOVE.
(Not something I had realized cause I was too busy focusing on other problems such as being homeless, broke, medical and family issues etc.
Typed quick (im in a rush, sorry if typos or doesnt make sense.
Again, let me/us know how you’re doing.
Thanks-
Hope to Ttyl.
Kathryn Enail:
gail+ kathryn+ 1 + yahoo…