How

How do you survive when the world wants to crush you? I’ve had my fair share of shitty experiences. My mom almost died from an emergency heart open surgery, twice. I was in an extremely physical, mental, emotional and sexual abusive relationship. My parents used to punish me and my sisters by spanking us with metal blind closers. They said it was “the Lord’s rod of discipline” and I finally called them out on there bullshit. Then I came out as transgender, female to male, and gay. They are very Christian and still have not accepted me for who I am, it’s been over a year and they don’t even put in an effort to try, they say the support me but they don’t. If they did they wouldn’t make me feel like shit all the time for being who I am. I do have an amazing boyfriend who loves me to pieces and I’m so lucky to have him, but I’m terrified that I’m going to hurt him. I’ve been alone for so long and soon it will be our ten months and I’m terrified of him leaving. Because then I’ll be all alone again…Im trying so hard to stay, he’s the only reason I’m still here really. If he leaves…I have no reason to be here, I have no friends, my parents hate me because of who I am. My sister’s are starting to as well because that’s what my parents are teaching them. I’m completely invisible to the rest of my family. I struggled for three years, three fucking years with this crushing depression, anxiety, ptsd, psychosis, a stress disorder and anorexia. I was begging in my mind for someone, ANYONE, to see my pain. To see that I’m not ok, but of course, no one did…I was and continue to be completely and utterly invisible to the world. I had to tell my family I wasn’t ok because no one saw it. The only time my family saw me, really saw me, saw the real pain, was when I was in and out of the hospital, again and again and again, three times in four months. God I wanted and still want to die so badly. No one understood that I can’t help it and that the self harm, I don’t mean to do it but I love the way it feels. Letting me feel something other then sadness and being completely numb. I just feel like no one understands me and I feel so completely alone. I feel like the world wants to burry me six feet under. I feel so sad all the time and I just need a friend, someone who doesn’t run away when I tell them that I’m having a really bad day. Someone who does they’re best to comfort me and make me smile. I need someone like that, but who would want to be friends with a depressed frozen boy…