Wednesday August 16th, 2017 4:52a.m, I lost apart of me. I miss her so much she came to visit me right before she did it. Literally the day before I feel a sense of guilt like its my fault she did this to herself because of my selfish fucking ways I didn’t even care enough to ask how she was doing if she needed anything if she was feeling down. NOTHING. I cant even think straight when I think about her my mind is so messed up. I was the last person she spoke to and when she told me she was laying in her fucking bed feeling sick I should’ve known. I should’ve fucking known but I continued talking unaware of her life. I’m sorry I should’ve asked, I let you down something that you would have never done to me I love you with everything in me I wish you were here I miss you.
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2 comments
You shouldn’t blame yourself. That’s the thing with suicide, you don’t want to be saved so of course you’re not gonna tell anyone, even your closest friends. She probably wouldn’t have said anything if you did ask. Or it could have made her feel even worse, too. Suicide is an independent choice and there’s no concern for how it will affect the people around them. All they (we?) can think about is how badly we wanna die and how awful everything is, and feels. You can admit how much you miss her but try not to blame yourself.
Yes please do not blame yourself. Perhaps she was talking to you because you brought her comfort at that time. She just wanted to talk to a friend before she left so she wouldn’t feel lonely, perhaps. I can only hope she is at peace now, please don’t blame yourself, of course if you knew you would have done something different but you didn’t know. You’re a human and you can’t read minds. I’m sorry for what happened it sounds like it really hurt you.