My whole life has been nothing but pain and I’m so sick of living. Sometimes I feel like my own boyfriend doesn’t love me..but why should he? I’m not beautiful or smart. I’m constantly negative and he says he doesn’t want to be with a negative person. He says he can easily break up with me and find another girlfriend…maybe he just should.. I’m not worth loving. I have severe acne problems which results in bad scarring. My body is flabby and gross looking. His history with other girls just shows me he’s more interested in supermodel type girls than real women like me. I feel like I can never satisfy him. He actually told me that the first time we did anything together, he said he had better. Well I’m not a sk*nk like his exes. Sorry I’m not slutty enough to have experience. I feel like if I was dead, it wouldn’t make a difference. I’m to the point where I have no desire to get help..I just don’t deserve it.
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Honey, not to go all ‘big sister’ on you, but I am quite certain that it’s your boyfriend who doesn’t deserve you.
“He says he can easily break up with me and find another girlfriend…I feel like I can never satisfy him. He actually told me that the first time we did anything together, he said he had better. ”
If I were you I would write those words on a notecard, tape it to my wall and stare at it until I had the courage to break up with him, and read those words every time I started to doubt my choice.
I am the LAST female who should give advice about self-esteem, to say that you should believe you’re worth it ‘just because’. However, I do believe in the old motto ‘fake it til you make it’. Staring at yourself in the mirror every day and saying aloud three things you like about yourself, and that you look nice, will (no joke) eventually train yourself to like your reflection. We are all Pavlov’s dogs, it’s just a matter of putting in the effort for the re-conditioning ourselves.
I have gone from being hyperthyroid to no thyroid, so, I struggle with my weight and appearance quite a bit. Eating a lot of fiber, especially in the evening, is the best thing I can recommend. Fibrous foods (rice, vegetables etc) are always low calorie, and fill you up better than protein or fat. People like to say eating protein and fat and you’ll be leaner, but 200 calories of rice vs 200 calories of full fat yogurt — I know which one makes me feel fuller. Fiber also helps stabilize blood sugar levels which MASSIVELY reduced my cravings. I try to have some form of fiber with every meal, I need to otherwise I will get hungry for bad things. (Also, drinking a lot of water, 3 liters a day)
And believe it or not, exercise is not the best way to lose weight. Multiple studies are now confirming this. Walking is your best friend if you want to lose weight, because it’s pleasant and you’ll actually want to do it. I never tell myself there are foods that I ‘can’t’ eat, instead I like researching the benefits of healthy foods which makes me enjoy eating them more. Of course that said I am now too depressed to cook or eat or drink water, so….sorry. Best of luck to you, and please post here when you need to
Yeah, your boyfriend is toxic, and what you described sounds like abuse. It’s true, he doesn’t love you. Abusers don’t love their partners. It’s all about power and control to them, and he is preying on your low self-esteem. I know this fact may hurt you, and you have a right to feel sad or anyway you feel, but accepting it is part of the grief. You deserve better. He’s the real loser.