Ok…so…I just feel like I need to vent and get my thoughts out….
so, first off, my mom treats me like crud. She blames me for things I didn’t do, has called me a b*tch on multiple occasions, I get in trouble for the things my littlest sister does most of the time, she’s spanked me, smacked me, and so on. And she’s fake. She fakes her personality around everyone except me, my dad, and my sisters. Also, she’s told me to never show any emotion other than happiness and to keep my opinions to myself. I’ve stopped doing both, mind you, but whenever I bring it up she says she never did that! Actually, she says she never did anything I’ve listed! I’m just fed up with it….and then we have my dad…he’s actually nice. He tries to help me. He’s the only one in my family other than my 10 year old sister who knows I’m suicidal. And my littlest, 6 year old, sister treats me like crud too…she’s tried to punch me, ram into me, hit me in the head with a Barbie doll…and what does my mom do? Tell me I’m overreacting! And all the while, I have zero real life friends because no one ever takes me anywhere where I can be social! (I’m homeschooled) and the other night, I overheard my mom saying some offensive things about suicidal people…pretty much saying that no one ever means it, and they should never be taken seriously, because the only people who actually mean it never tell anybody…and she’s also one of those people who think suicide is selfish….I’m just fed up with all of it…I’m fed up with life…also, please excuse my grammar…I’m not too great at it…
19 comments
Are there no public schools you can go to? Have you asked your parents to enroll you in one?
There are. And I have mentioned it before, but my mom was against the idea because “school isn’t for socializing”…also, she said she’d prolly send me to a private school if I wanted to do public school…and I have an nonlinear friend who goes to a private school, and from what she tells me…it sucks…so…
*online. Not nonlinear. I hate autocorrect…
lol i was wondering what a nonlinear friend was 😛
How old are you? How much longer would you need to endure (till you graduate HS and can move out or move to college)?
I turned 14 last month. And I have no clue…I have a…uh…”different”…schedule than most folks…and my parents don’t even tell me what grade I’m in…so…
Who cares what your online friend thinks about private school? Seriously. If you’ve never met the person (I assume you would have just said friend if you had), you can never, never be sure they are even who they claim to be. At your age, take nothing for granted. Question everything. I’m not saying you are being conned, but it’s just words on a screen until it’s not. And if something they are saying is keeping you in an unhappy situation, intentionally or otherwise, it’s time for a gut check.
Clearly you need to try something different. If it really is an option to move on from homeschooling, just go for it. Don’t think about it. Remember what you are doing right now is not working and you need to get out. At 14 years old, you are posting on a suicide blog. An opportunity to change your current circumstances needs to be grabbed wholeheartedly.
It’s natural to be nervous, hesitant, look for reasons not to do it etc. Getting out of your comfort zone is autological. Something new and unknown needs to be treated like an adventure. Ride the wave and see where it takes you. It can NOT be worse than the stagnant pool you are clearly in.
First off, I know for a fact that she isn’t lying. I’m very cautious when it comes to that stuff. Also, she seems genuinely a good person. And I’m sure if I look up info in private schools, I’ll get the same stuff she tells me. Uniforms, no hair dye, no self expression of any kind…yeah. I don’t like that sort of stuff. Also, the only reason I actually want to go to school is for friends. I don’t wanna wake up early, I don’t wanna stay at school till 3:00, I don’t wanna have anything to do with anything there. I only want friends…
That wasn’t really the point. You are SURE that IF you look into… So you haven’t? I went to a private high school. Yes, there was a dress code but it wasn’t a uniform. We had to wear slacks, a jacket and tie. What they looked like didn’t matter. A guy on the football team wore a pink jacket every day. Another wore one that had a flannel design. Tweeds…Patched…all different colors… And the only tie you weren’t allowed to wear was a solid black one. Self expression was entirely possible. Dying your hair blue where no one can actually see you is better how? I bet there are even private schools that don’t give a crap about that either.
As for waking up, having to stay to a specific time…you are in for one hell of a rude awakening when you join the adult world if you think that’s tough now. It’s a pain in the ass – I hated it. But it is a necessary education in and of itself. Unless you plan to live in a bedroom in your parents house forever, with someone else paying the bills, you will eventually need to have a realistic schedule.
You just want friends…are you willing to make an effort or you just want them to jump out of the computer for a tea party?
I got the impression that you were miserable in your current situation. Yet any suggestion of changing it and it now becomes strongly defended. I hope this does seem a bit harsh as you are barely 14, have no interest in trying to change your life and think you know everything about things you haven’t even tried. You don’t even want to wake up at 8am, even if it solves your problem, not because you are depressed but because it’s too early! You sound like a typical teenager honestly. Get out of your room, deal with a few extra rules, deal with sitting through an hour of social studies while tired, and sit at a lunch table with a half dozen other kids that might very well become the friends you are looking for.
This place is just like everywhere else I’ve tried…not trying to understand what I’m saying, not trying to understand my situation, acting like you know my problems…y’know what? I’m done. I’m done trying to get help. I’m done trying to be nice. It’s obvious all I’ll ever get in return is people being mean to me. I hope you’re happy now, because I feel even worse than before I posted this thing. (Not the comment.) Call me overdramatic if you want, but you don’t know what my life is like. You don’t know what I think every day. You don’t know how people treat me. I’m sick of this. I’m not coming back here again.
It’s a shame you aren’t interested in actually getting help. I can’t feel bad because when help was offered your response was shocking. Shocking. This is not being mean, it is being an adult and sometimes a kid won’t like what they hear. This site is full of people who have too much life experience. You have none yet you wont give us the benefit of the doubt? If you are depressed, anxious, empty, alone we are here for you. We love you. While you make changes, we will talk you through it and help you be connected to people. We will give you friendship and guide you to finding it. But If you just think going to school is too much of an inconvenience, which is exactly what you wrote so it’s hard to ignore, then maybe the best way to support you is with a kick in the butt. Doesn’t mean we don’t love you and if you took it that way I apologize. Just means you either need to revise what you wrote or take the advice.
Well, I am sorry if I have trouble putting my thoughts into words. I’m sorry if I don’t explain myself well. I’m sorry that I’m an ignorant f*ck who can’t freaking understand things and is easily confused. I’m sorry if I mess everything up and don’t know when people are trying to help or not.
I’m. Sorry.
Do you think your parents would be open to a trial period of you being enrolled in an actual school, maybe one semester? If you did meet people you like but still wanted to go back to homeschooling, you’d still be able to contact them after. And maybe you’d adjust and want to try the school for longer.
Stand up for yourself with your sister. Yeah, she’s little and you shouldn’t fight back in the sense you’re being attacked, but you can still set boundaries. Try telling your dad about it if your mother doesn’t listen. Some of that stuff might just be for attention, but i don’t know enough to say. I’ve been around rambunctious kids before.
I dunno…the more I think about it, the more I realize I don’t think I actually wanna go to public school…I’m not good at dealing with change…
Yeah, I’ve told my dad…he tries to help, but usually he’s working…he works from home, but he still stays in his room working most of the day…so…and when he’s not working, he’s usually doing other stuff…and I don’t think she’s doing it for attention. She gets plenty of attention all day every day. But then again, what do I know? I hardly ever know what’s happening…
Wow, I didn’t really look at this post after my first comment on it, but I really should have.
I think likeastone’s comments are a bit harsh, but he’s basically saying what I would advise as well. Give it a shot.
Obviously going to an actual school would suck. Everything sucks. If any of us on here had found a way to make life not suck…we wouldn’t be on here.
But it’s different. And that’s the point. You’re abiding by the chaos monkey theory (coined by yours truly): if you keep doing different things, you’ll eventually prove that there is literally no way to live that doesn’t suck, or you’ll find a way to make your life better.
First off I’d just like to say…chaos monkey sounds absolutely genius. Actually…sounds like one of the random things I might have said at some point. Lol. Anywho, as I had said to freeroma, as I think about it more, the more I realize I’m not good with change or trying anything new really. I dunno what’s wrong with me. I don’t mean to sound stubborn when I say any of this, mind you. I’m just stating the truth about myself. Also, I’m already stressed by the stuff I have to do on a daily basis. I don’t wanna have to deal with public school along with everything else. Besides, the school thing was the least of my troubles. It was mostly just how badly I get treated and me being sick of it. Sorry about any confusion or anything. I’m pretty bad at describing things…
You shouldn’t tell anybody lest you think being in a psych ward will improve your happiness and wellbeing for the future or lest you look forward to relying on some medication and going to a psychiatrist every two weeks for the rest of your life. Psych wards and psychiatrists are bunk. They suck your soul dry.
I’m quite scared of medication anyway and don’t have enough time in my day to go anywhere like a psychiatrist or something. Tbh, I don’t even think my parents would even allow any of that anyway.
Sorry to hear about this. You really are in a difficult position. Is there anyone else you can reach out for help? It’s so sad to have a mum like that.