I hate it when people try to change you.
I have one problem.
People of all kinds whether it be a stranger, counselor, or psychologist… not one of them understood.
My obsession was absolute.
They actually expect me to live without my linchpin. To live emasculated. To live unfulfilled. So very dumb. I don’t believe in the mental health industry because they seem to lack common sense. They fail to realize that some people don’t WANT to get over what is bothering them.
What I WANT is to be the REAL me again. WHY LIVE AS A PATHETIC SHADOW OF MY FORMER SELF? They’ll never get it. They are unable to put themselves in your shoes.
I have a plethora of problems. Each of them on their own would be a worthy reason for commiting suicide but out of all of them, just one stands out from the rest. Not that anyone could understand (really, only someone OBSESSED with training could understand. And when I mean obsessed, I mean even more obsessed than some drug addict. My obsession was absolute. Only those who would sacrifice EVERYTHING for physical power could ever hope to understand me so basically nearly no human. Normal training doesn’t count. You have to be of the most obsessed. You can click on my username and browse around but it would be pointless. Why did I even post this? Just to rant I suppose).
I am tired of this lonliness coupled by this emasculation. 5.5 years is too long. Too long to remain strong.
How many years have you wanted to die?
Every literal second for the past 5.5 years has been suffering. Even my dreams are terrible.
I can feel it.. I KNOW I am close to my absolute limit. I HAVE to die before this year is over. There has been a particular bridge near me I have been eyeballing for quite a while.
Want to know something else? It’s almost been a full year since I first posted. At least these notes can act as evidence for how absolute my obsession was. That along with other notes that I have written over the years (about 5k but most got deleted).
6 comments
9 years. That’s how long I have wanted to die.
Hey. I not going to say I completely understand what you’re going through, but I may have st least a little bit of an idea, because I have suffered with some HORRIBLE things myself.
https://suicideproject.org/wp-admin/post.php?post=451302&action=edit
If you read this post, you may feel like I am in a similar situation to you
I cannot access the page.
If we are sharing how long 11 years
i’m not that old and so i can’t remember the exact length of time but i first tried to kill myself 5 years ago so that’s roughly it.
Well you’re being pretty vague. But I know the MH system is a *****. They do what they can. But they’re fuckers. Again you’re being super vague though.