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5 days ago I lost 136 days of being clean of cutting. It might seem like nothing but it took all of me to get past those 136 days. When I broke them it wasn’t like always. Right now, I feel so shitty about myself and I’m in a really bad place. I got through the last school year taking vitamin supplements because the doctor told me to do so. I stopped them about 2-3 months ago and for the past week I’ve been feeling so down and tired all the time. Last night, I slept for the longest I have ever slept since school started (7 hours). I slept through the night which was a first and I still couldn’t wake up. When I did wake up though it felt as if I haven’t slept at all. Through the day, I was so tired and I couldn’t concentrate or focus in school. I’m really disappointed in myself as I came back from school and stayed in bed ever since. School work is taking up all my time and I still have to deal with my mom. I don’t talk to her at the moment and it’s just so bad. I’m slowly breaking down. Also, everyone around me has been telling me I have OCD and I don’t know how to feel about that. I mean, one more thing to add to the list, right? So much is going on and I really want to get it all out but I can’t because I barley have time to breathe.

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PhotographyIsMyLife 9/25/2017 - 1:58 pm

I know this doesn’t help you, but focus on the positive and give yourself a pat on the back for a second. One hundred thirty-six days is about 4 1/2 months! That’s awesome! So you start over again. It sucks to have a relapse. But it gives you a chance to maybe make 137 days next time.

countdown 9/25/2017 - 8:44 pm

hey photog. good to see you. was wondering how you’re doing.

PhotographyIsMyLife 9/26/2017 - 7:15 am

Thanks for asking…pretty shitty.

countdown 9/26/2017 - 5:13 pm

@PhotogIML
Sorry to hear that. I’m here to listen, if you’d like. (Have you had an oppty to take in the scenery?)

PhotographyIsMyLife 9/27/2017 - 9:41 am

Not as much as I’d like. I have a boatload of financial sh1t that needed to be dealt with ASAP that I was avoiding. Felt good to get to get that out of the way today. Next step: employment. One step at a time. My new “office”: the lake 🙂

countdown 9/28/2017 - 12:43 pm

@PhotogIML. Not sure what kind of financial stuff, but I might be able to make a few suggestions in that regard if you want. Only if you want. I remember your name but not which email you use (mine has changed). Let me know, if you want. I’m not looking for your personal info, but i may be able to help you prioritize or give a suggestion as to where to start.
Love the new office. Maybe you can share the scenery (must be spectacular now)?

PhotographyIsMyLife 9/28/2017 - 1:05 pm

Sure. stevetheoldman (at) gmail.

Cause of Death: Suicide 9/25/2017 - 8:42 pm

I am in a similar position…
I do not respect or honor the opinions of those around me because I know they are bad people
But they keep telling me I am “autistic” or “schizoaffective”

I’m like no…. I’m damn normal.
They just do it to feel in a position of control I would guess, but I just end up feeling that they are psychotic.

Cause of Death: Suicide 9/25/2017 - 8:44 pm

I can vogue for vitamins because before I was put on mental health watch list, I was in the best health of my life just from eating right and taking a multivitamin.

iwouldrathernot 9/26/2017 - 7:32 am

I second what PhotographyIsMyLife said, don’t beat yourself up. The road to recovery isn’t perfect. No one is perfect, little bumps in the road here and there don’t offset all the progress. Be kind and patient with yourself.

PhotographyIsMyLife 9/27/2017 - 9:42 am

Hey ESoul…how are you doing today?

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