I fear Myself

I know that this sounds strange and I don´t know how to completely explain this, but  I have to get it off my mind.  So I am not a normal person when it comes to fearing things, my deepest fear is myself.  The reason I fear myself is because I hide from my dark side.  So I try to keep myself active in things and to keep myself from relaxing, because if I do I think about things and I start thinking about depression and suicide.  And this happens a lot.   I also fear myself because I am capable to commit suicide, meaning that I have the skills and the supplies to do so, but I don´t want to die, but I don´t want to suffer anymore.  So when I end up thinking about things, I start fearing myself and I get scared of what could happen.