I keep fighting this battle whereby I get closer and closer to the edge…closer and closer each time but somehow I always reel myself back in. Somehow I find the resilience to fight another day…
But I believe I am truly close to the end. I kept failing and decided to make a huge change. I gave up everything and moved across the country to take a job that seemed like the perfect fit. A supreme effort at improving things.
A bold move. Everyone told me how brave I was. Then I ended up in the hospital and a crisis centre here and they all said how brave I had been and that I had the strength to keep going. So I tried again…
After a week off I came back to work and tried as hard as I could…
And now the managers are saying they are unhappy with me and I have to show a huge improvement by the end of the week otherwise they aren’t keeping me. They don’t seem to see any of the improvements I made last week, even though I thought I had done everything they wanted.
The pragmatic thing to do would be to give it everything I have and try to turn things around. Since they haven’t canned me yet, there is at least a scintilla of a chance that I could stay.
The problem is, I’m out of gas. I can’t give any more than I have been giving. I stayed in bed the entire weekend and then I had so much trouble getting out of bed this morning that I barely made it to work in time and I had to take a taxi. I just… I just can’t find the resilience this time.
I’m tired. And not in a temporary, “just go to sleep early tonight” kind of way. I am permanently, irrevocably, and irreparably tired. I have had enough. I am out of gas and I cannot drive any further.
4 comments
Someone once told me the highest rate of suicide is in the morning. I asked why. Because people are u happy with their jobs. Don’t be that person. You are not stuck at this job. There are other jobs out there. Go wash diahes or babysit or do anything but what you hate. If you’re not happy where you are then change it. We r free like birds. And dont you forget these words. Dont make anyone feel like you arent doing a good job. Speak up for yourself. If u get fired then fuk them u were miserable there any way!!! U could always move back home. Or move anywhere else in the world. Options are endless. Dont settle for a job you hate. Especially if u r already sad/depressed to begin with. That srsly just makes things worse.
Unhappy* dont mind my spelling. I type to fast and my spell checks not on. Hope you will listen to me
Hey. I have a similar issue. I have a new manager, complete micromanager. She’s awful. My manager has been setting me up for failure for months. Very elaborately, so that she can replace me. I’m a creative, and she doesn’t see the use of a creative on the team. But instead of saying this to me, she schemes behind my back. I thought I was going nuts, my anxiety levels are through the roof right now. My only relief is knowing that my team members support me, and they say they are going through all the same things.
But as frozen girl said, I don’t have to stay in this job. I’m presently looking for something better. Find something that makes you happy, Be happy!
The hell with that manager. Srsly, everyone needs to be in jobs they love. And if they dont love it they must at least like it. There are so many jona out there. Dont make work be the reason you hate life when you can do literally anything an get paid for it. Hey bartendin is always an option. If your a man, work at a gay bar and youll make TonsSs of $$! You’re welcome.