TLDR : addiction sign, lack of friendships and lost conflict.
Today I did really good. I deactivated my Facebook account and I’m really close to stop spending useless time on whatsapp.
For those of you who don’t know, due to suffering and lack of friends… and probably fucked up parents, life failures, crapy job, broken heart and etc… I started to develop signs of addiction.
Im taking Ritalin for studying (ADHD) and each time it hits me, I feel really good, like I’m focusing on the high I get from it.
I also took lately mid-strong pain killers for my stomach ache and I started getting high on it. I felt how badly I liked the feelings of “not feeling”.. of not giving a shit about her… or not thinking about if my best friend did something with my ex.
When I’m high, I don’t even care about not having a father, or where am I, or what am I doing.
I like it.
but…… It’s all I’ve got, can you understand that?
I never thought I would get so damaged.
All my friendships are lost, I have few left but they are not interesting and they don’t consider me as a friend but more like a plan C to go out with.
I lost all hope for people. and I pass my time with studying/helping mom/ workout / work. and when I have spare time I just watch the same cartoon over and over (I usually shift between South Park, American dad, Rick and morty, Futurama)
as if the cartoon characters are my way out of here.
I’m intelligent, and I had lots of friends back 2 years ago. I had good time with girls, and was really social active….
And now .. all I have is pain killers and freaking cartoons.
It’s hard, can you understand that?
I’m actually doing things for myself, I’m studying a degree that would get me anywhere and will allow me spare time with friends that I’ll find some when..
but until then it feels like surviving hell.
guys, I think.. I’m actually breaking down.
any way, stay strong and be brave
yours Jac
4 comments
Jac it seems you truly desire company. Just know sometimes you’re better off alone. ESPECIALLY of you need to grow internally. However, humans ARE a gregarious species so IDK what to say. Please ask yourself the question what are friends? And ensure people earn that title to re-enter your life.
first 2 sentcenes of your comment: I agree with your perspective, but I don’t agree with your words.
I have met few selfinterest personas, they are not everyone, only a few of the population…. when thinking about friends, you should know that each individual is different, and each friend can help with different things/ “offers” different things. FURTHER more: you are a person, you grow, you change, you die…. Some friendships are part of a finite timeline. You will find friend A to be the great friend to grow with at ages 5-15, but Friend B can be the best for ages 18-30… etc…
the other part of your comment: THANKS! great advice! appreciate it ! 🙂
I need to start studying too. You’re an example yo all of us. I’m balls of how amazing you most likely turn out.
did you mean “to” instead of “yo”?
and what do you mean ? what do you find as an example that fits for you ?
“most likely” is a funny combination of words, remember it that even know, or back 2 years ago, nobody promised me anything. I got here with my bare hands, and even know I struggle. but atleast I will struggle untill the end of the line. I promised to myself to finish this race with a success and pride.