I think its time

I just have to make it to thanksgiving to do the family thing. After that I need to do this. My mental health is gone I’m suffering. My paranoia is more than I can handle. At this point I’m not thinking what’s on the other side waiting I just want out. The day I’m lying underground I’ll be safe and sound. I can see the future and it’s awful for me. I have been in psychosis for 8 years partly from drugs and what happened to me. I have over 1000 mg of zyprexa and I’ll do it at the park not at my grannies. I’m a complete failure and there is no way out but doing it. If you knew what I go threw you would understand.  I hate mornings they are the worse that is when my thoughts hit right when I wake up. Sleep is the only way I can get away why doesn’t God just take me he knows I’m suffering.