Anyone want to share their experience? How did it make you feel, how’d the family cope, was this before you yourself had problems? ect
Also, what do you guys think about saying: committed suicide vs died of suicide? I think saying died of suicide makes more sense, I feel people who die of suicide just lose a battle to their disease/illness. Just like in the same way someone can die from the illness cancer.
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why do my comments keep getting fcking deleted
not directly, but, a cousin of my extended family, his father committed suicide by carbon monoxide. left a note and everything. i can only recall meeting the man once, when i was really, really young, but barely remember. his reason for exiting was resolvable debt.
Any idea how the family reacted?
*unresolvable debt
Welcome back. I thought you were gone. Glad you’re not.
yeah, I’ve decided to see if family gatherings for christmas ect can help me at all
I use the term commited… but it almost implies that suicide is some sort of crime. Idk
Sorry for swearing earlier.
Yes, my brother was an extremely intelligent person whose father was never present in his life. When puberty hit various issues combined and began to twist his mind into a depressed state. He would later be diagnosed as bipolar and was on medications that zombified him. As time went on the regular turmoil of adolescence twisted painfully with various issues and i think was only made worse by his intelligence and belief that no one around him was smart enough to assist, so he was very withdrawn and bitter.
He was a cutter and had difficulty in school as it was too easy for him and he had trouble connecting with other people. later in his adolescence he calmed down a bit and seemed less angry but i suspect he had simply resolved himself to his plans.
He tried one last time by going to college and 9 months later an officer came to our door to inform our mother he had hung himself. He lived by himself in his dorm room and wasn’t found until several days later when the stench alerted his cohabitants.
During his life he had much inner turmoil and being a young man, naturally misdirected it toward himself and others.
There were some tears but everyone moved on. he died at 19. i am now almost 24 and see well above him as a man. had he held out several more years until the tumult of adolescence had ceased i’m sure he could have found a way to undue the deep knots that had been tied into his mind and caused him such pain, — as i have mostly done.
No statement was made. No unbeatable pain was avoided. In the end it’s just another story of pointless loss of life. A pointless loss of potential. Pointless pain. Pain that was transferred to everyone who had some attachment to him.
On the one hand I recognize and sympathize with his pain. On the other hand i do not forgive him for the damage his death did to my life.
Agent Q: Thanks for sharing your personal history. I wish you and your family didn’t have to go through that and am very sorry for your loss. The fact that you have been able to untie some of those “deep knots” which drove led him to his decision is admirable and I am glad for you.
There is a video on YouTube of two brothers discussing their other brother;s suicide. They kept it real. One brother seemed to have a similar mindset as you, but the other brother was still very angry. Both were deeply hurt. It was an eiye-opener, as was your comment above,
Again, my condolences. Thanks for your comment above.
I don’t use the word suicide. I saw he took his life. or he ended his life.
Sorry for your loss. When you found out, did you need to take time off ‘normal life’ as in work or school? Did he leave a note? If so, did it help you and your family in anyway? You said on one hand you don’t forgive him for the damage he did to your life, so would you say his suicide still has a large effect on you in a semi daily way?
Well, depression and mental problems somewhat run in my blood. I was just entering puberty and starting to also become depressed at the time of his death. My biological father died before i was born and naturally i looked up to him for guidance. When he was alive he took his mental issues out on me and my mom (he blamed her for a lot of his problems). He was very mean to me and probably abusive even. (my step dad suspect he may have molested my cousin and i but i have no memory of it) Still i looked up to him.
If he’d stuck around he could have changed and been a better influence. Instead he left when i needed someone the most. To be honest when he died i felt nothing. I was happy even.
I’ll never forget the day the cop brought the news: mom was crying on my shoulder with her head next to mine while i was smiling hysterically.
I snapped. I already was having issues then he goes and does what he did i come back to school and the teacher decides to tell everyone about it. Now i feel like a freak and even more of an outcast then i already did being a fatherless, racially different, and eventually, i would discover, gay. I started to cut myself and as time went on became more more a social outcast and during my later adolescent years even antisocial.
At 16, still cutting myself, i decided i would end my life. I planned it out but before i left i wanted to reconnect with my fondest memories of my childhood. I became a recluse and spent 3 years without moving,speaking, or leaving the house.
I imploded into myself and became delusional as a way of justifying my eventual suicide. In the end those years of reclusion diffused a great deal of the anger i had at 16. I found i no longer had the drive to do it and started to move on with my life.
All those years of lying motionless in my room did a number on my body though and i found i lost all ability to express emotion and socialize. I became depressed again and this time turned to drugs and alcohol
For 6 months (age 21) i drank every day 6-18 beers) as well as any drug i could find. Ended up flipping my car on an icy road while high on cough syrup and slammed my head through the driver side window and knocked myself unconcious against the road.
Crashed again 5 months later and went to jail (luckily reduced from dui to reckless driving)
I had one of the most frightening experiences of my life while on drugs and suddenly i realized how terrifying death really is. It motivated me to change my ways. Spent the next 6 months sobering up. got a new job and spent the next year exercising and eating better to fix my body up.
(side note. When i was 20 people thought i was 30-40 years old) at 23 i look my age.
This past year has been much better. my body is mostly back to the strength and mobility i had at 16. (have spent countless hours cracking my spine back into place as my neck, lower back, scapula etc were grossly misplaced.
I’m socializing much better as well and actually lost my virginity this year. I am still often too depressed to joke around or talk much (like today at work) but i believe i can keep making progress until i am a mostly normal person like i always should have been.
The mental issues will never dissappear and i will always think about suicide. Hasn;t been a year in the last decade i wasnt convinced i’d die by my own hand one day but hey! never thought i’d be here in my 20s LOL!
I am still trying to find a phrase to replace the word suicide with. It’s Latin roots mean self murder, while I think of the act as being more of a self deliverance. “Committed suicide” sounds like the commission of a crime. I have never felt that any of the people I have known to end it did anything criminal. One was an an uncle and three were workmates. Yes there were some tears. In the big scheme of things I had experienced far worse losses already, none of which involved death. As for my family and the death of my uncle, it seems much the same. This was just one more blow among many.
All four of these individuals seemed empty and almost devoid of life before they opted out. But, as I am finding out in therapy for myself, it seems what drove these people to their graves may have been amendable in some cases.
Yeah, suicide being seen as crime is a strange notion. The whole argument of self murder is still murder seems to be missing the fact that the ‘suicider’ owned their own life. Did you find your family to be angry and or blame your uncle, for “delivering another blow”. I’ve also heard people claim that your life doesn’t just belong to you. I’ve heard people claim that you are robbing your parents, children ect of you being on this earth, so in that way they see it as a crime. Although I don’t agree with this its an interesting argument.
In Latin, suicide is stated as “felo de se” meaning “a felony against oneself” [plural would be “felones de se”}. What’s funny is that that same phrase in Galician (according to Google’s translation tool), means means please do it, which amused me for some reason.
@whatshouldmymanebe – My family was not angry or blaming toward him.
Not sure I owe any one on earth my existence. But I do notice I am still breathing and typing. Up for some philosophy?
Perhaps when people say our lives don’t just belong to us, they have have transferred their expectation of living until they have no other option, on to us.
With that expectation firmly in place, and admittedly lives work out that way in almost every case so the expectation is not without a basis, perhaps people start feeling they are entitled to have so-and-so live on. If one of us offs themselves, those folks world could be stood on it’s head and they know it.
So, they are entitled to their beliefs, but not my body. A veritable plethora of laws and policies side with the majority view. No surprise there.
Thats quite the story agents
Here’s a link it talks about what spectralgiraffe said
http://www.suicide.org/stop-saying-committed-suicide.html
Ended their own life… crossed the rainbow bridge…. killed theirselves…. self-murder…. self-immolation…. they followed IT into the rain gutter….
I prefer. Died by suicide. Or
Ended their own life.
Yeah… I like ran away and never was found
@COD:S That does give things a mysterious twist.
“ran away and was never found” yes. i like that too, most definitely.
@cause of death: suicide: great article, basically breaks it down to saying committed is referring to it being a crime. So for most people they can see why is should be referred to differently. However, there still are people that feel it is a crime.
I’m not a viking. I don’t cross rainbow bridges.