This is a long one, I’m sorry.
Today had been extremely emotional, which is a difficult concept to grasp for me. I feel empty every single day of my life. I’m completely unused to emotions. To be honest, I had just stopped feeling anything. I just have this sense of lacking inside me. I know I have depression, but it’s always just been about emptiness and no will or motivation. But I think something in me broke down, today. I don’t really know how to describe it other than just being sad.
My older sister had visited today. She had been doing it a lot recently. She comes over with her boyfriend and kid and waste our food and money and pretends she doesn’t know about our problems. To be honest, I hate my sister. I hate her with every fiber of my being. She acts like she’s perfect. She’s not. She’s a drug addict. She lost her virginity at 11. She became a mom two days after she turned 16. She smokes and drinks. She’s cheating on her boyfriend. She had even beat me when we were kids. Yet she still has the audacity to come into my home and brag about how great her life is and how perfect she is.
She even came into my room, took up my bed, and started humming.
I know it doesn’t sound bad, but can you imagine the person you hate most in the world doing that to you? I feel no love towards my sister.
I was laying on my bed when she walked in there with the excuse that the Wi-Fi in my room was better than where she previously was.
My bed is queen-sized, but she made sure to take up most of it. Every once in a while, she would move her foot. It would come into contact with me. This happened several times. I think this is what set me off at first. And her humming, my God, I couldn’t stand it. She’d even start to sing. And she is NOT a good singer, even though she fully believes she can match Demi Lovato in a contest, which was exactly what she was trying to do by playing her music and singing along with it.
I hate noise. I hate human contact even more. My sister had succeeded in driving me out of my own room. I moved to the living room, and immediately after, she followed and sat right next to me. And started humming and singing again.
Ive been dealing with my depression worsening over the past few months. My sister was not helping it. She knows I hate all of the things she was doing and continued to do them even after I told her to stop. Later through the night, I had begun to clean our kitchen. I remember starting it, by gathering all of the dishes that were left laying around and bringing them to the kitchen, but that was far as I had gotten before cowering in my room. I don’t know what came over me. I just felt the sudden need to run away. I stayed there on the ground for about ten minutes before dragging myself back to finish my job.
My sister’s singing had gotten louder. Instead of using her ear buds, she was playing the music out loud. I was trying to sweep the floor. I was on the verge of tears. She wouldn’t shut up. I couldn’t take the noise. So I once again cowered in my room and covered my ears, but that was a mistake. My room is right next to the one she was singing in. I was crying at this point. I ran to the furthest part of my house, my bathroom, and locked the door and turned on the fan. I stayed there for 20 minutes, crying. I forced myself to calm down and went back to my kitchen to finish it. The second she saw me, my sister screamed my name like she was happy to see me. I, of course, ignored her.
I was nearly finished when my sister was beginning to leave. She, her boyfriend, and daughter were all outside packing into their car. I remember I immediately broke down and cried again. I was on my kitchen floor, crying and sobbing with a broom in my hands. I was begging God to stop all the noise I heard. I prayed that he would make me deaf to spare me from ever having to hear anything again. Noise is one of the few things I loathe completely. I just wanted absolute silence. And I asked God to make it happen. It was strange. I had never cried to God for anything. I didn’t even realized I had believed in him.
To end this, I didn’t stop crying until about ten minutes after I laid back in my bed. I’m just so sick of all the noise.
9 comments
It seems from this that your sister has a massive ego and that she seems like an asshole if you don’t like her presence around you avoid her as much as possible or just tell her that she should leave or leave you alone its best to get rid of each problem one bit at a time and this should be a good start
I read that. It was strange drama, not really sure what to say it. If you cuss at her, she’ll probably just laugh, or it might get into a bare fight, why not? I’m rooting on you. I was writing these epic stories but they somehow didn’t come through the next window. Oh, well. I guess I’ll try to rest and regenerate back these attributes and tackle the battle. It’s really been never that, I’ve been never able to write anything of potency. Losing their grips, let me redefine to you the metaphor.
If DB, does exist, in what may. My first, is that I would go back for, if I could reborn, not defected. Third wish would be, world peace. Could these abacus.
ever* able to
Do you guys mind deleting comments, thanks.
Does your sister know that you are sensitive to noise? The way she just flopped on your bed was so rude unless you and she are close. Beds are the ultimate personal space.
buy some duck tape. that’ll shut her up.
It sounds like your sister wants to bond with you, but she doesn’t understand you, and you don’t understand her. So she might act intentionally annoying sometimes because if she can’t get you to like her, at least you’re still giving her attention.
Can relate to being bothered by noise. The warehouse I work in is right next to a lot where they drive forklift trucks. The constant sound through the wall of them whizzing about drives me nuts. Or the massive trucks that pull up just outside. They scare me.
I don’t know what to do about it. Earplugs, earmuffs, or noise-cancelling headphones might help. Have you considered whether you are a bit autistic? I believe autistic people are bothered by noise.
Regarding your sister, it sounds to me like a poor attempt at getting closer to you. Even though she is being a pain in the ass, it probably comes from a place of wanting your attention, acceptance, affection, whatever. Or maybe that is just psychobabble.
Are you Chinese?
I have a similar problem whenever someone I hate is about to walk through the door I leave and usually I am given barely any notice and it’s usually freezing outside then I walk to the store until they are gone. Sometimes I have to leave for hours and just sit outside the coffee shop. I used to lock myself in my room but then I realized I couldn’t even be in same house with them without the urge to kill or injure myself.