What the fuck is wrong with me?
Why am I feeling such an urge to find a girlfriend?
I have completely accepted that I don’t and will never have a dad in my life, and that my biological dad is still out there alive nothing giving a shit about me.
I have accepted the fact that right now my family is in debts and that I have to spend as less as I can.
I have accepted that I must succeed and do my best at the university to find a well paying job.
I have accepted the fact that I don’t have time to go out with friends.
But for some reason, I can’t stop feeling the need to find a girl friend. it’s on my mind 24/7.
Why is that?
I’m already fed up with shit to deal with.
I thought I succeed at cutting my own feelings from my consciousness. So why can’t I cut this??
12 comments
Perhaps you see a girlfriend as one who will demand so much of your time that you will have too little time left to devote to your present and future responsibilities. There are women who see it the same way as you. They too would like to have someone, if he gives them the space they need to meet their goals.
Maybe you are right. But… I feel like my need for a girlfriend, is my need for a hug. my need to be loved and to lean my head on someone’s shoulder. And my need to trust someone.
All of those needs are currently being chained. Because I don’t trust anyone for years by now. I don’t feel what is love since I was 8 or 9. I’m so fucked up with a fucked up back story that I’m scared to put my head on someone. I’M SCARED THAT THEY WOULD BE CREEPED BY HOW FUCKED UP MY LIFE WAS AND HOW FUCKED UP IM
Oh boy. I read your newer comments. Ok I get it. I did the same basic thing, differently, but the gist is the same. If you take all this baggage into a new relationship you two are going to be happy for a while and then so miserable later on. First put your own own head in order. You have heard people say it is important to find the right person, true, but it is more important to be the right person. You will need to carve out some time for a counselor.
I like that you are commenting with honesty.
I don’t see myself going to a counselor.
In ten years I see myself a free man. I see a future were I fixed the financial problems, and I’m an independent man.
My dream is to give my mom money and to send her off her anxiety.
until then I have to work hard on keeping my sanity right. And to keep my mask on me.
That works too. That is a good plan for you to meet your objectives. When your objectives are met, if you still would like to explore the possibility of a close relationship with a woman, then perhaps would be the time to go to work on your own head. Your own honesty, by the way, is impressive. Many men, including me, have forged ahead with close relationships with ladies only to find our baggage time and again wrecking the relationship and making us wonder what is wrong with us, or them , or both. If you really want to know gnawing pain (you don’t, believe me) just reproduce under these turbulent conditions.
Because you’re a young handsome man? I’m no expert, but I think it’s normal.
haha you know me already ;). I guess I’m good looking too, with all the calisthenics workout im doing (6 pack buffed etc).
I’m great at looking perfectly fine and topped down.
that is why none suspects me for being feeling less due to abuse and et certa. They dont know my psychopath side. They don’t see it through.
They see this smiling young man, with his confidence. using humor to get close to them and socializing with everyone. but he actually is so fucked up. that psychopath is me
There is nothing wrong with you. You don’t need just any girlfriend. You just need one to care for you, to understand your priorities in life and in time to become a priority for you. I’m sure one will show up when you least expect it. Good luck!
Well there is this extremely cute nerd – I girl that caught my eye this morning’s lecture.
I guess I can start with her easily and go straight for a number.
You think I should?
hmu.. we can talk. 814-573-7467
Lol this is for real?
here is my email idojac@gmail.com
I’ve been reading your posts recently, and I feel like you’re saying what I can’t say but want to.