I’ve been wanting to kill myself for 11 years. It’s either kill myself or leave state/side of America/ country those are my only two options. And my only terms.
I reread this tonight not realizing I had commented. Not many posts today. I was going to chime in on your statistics. DAMN STATISTICS. I don’t want to be a f*cking statistic ever.
What do you have against math?
We are all statisticized. Why? Because despite us believing (or wanting to believe) that we are unique individuals, we are more alike than we are uncommon. It is our similarities which enable us to relate to one another — as well as to be typified by our commonalities.
There are statistics for everything we do, including visiting this site, such as number of visitors per day, how long a person tarries on the website, how many comments does an active user make, are those who make comments more or less likely to report feelings of (fill in the blank type of) depression? There are statistic on regions, ages, gender, etc.
It’s just math.
I’m some irked because once I commit suicide (when I commit suicide) planned for many years because… well, oppression, debt, inability to amass money, fear of debt.
But I will be forever judged after death and statisticated into they were in mental hospital for “mental illness” and belong to those who “stop taking medication which ‘treated’ them’ experimental group. I will just always be recorded as someone with “schizoaffective/bipolar/high-functioning autism/ depression/anxiety” who stopped taking medication and killed the self” but I don’t have any mental illness, just the dumb wh*res writing me up with those scripts year after year… I’ve never wanted to take the medication. They are trying to treat me an illness I don’t have and in doing so severely harmed me. Meds did more harm then good.
But I know that if I suicide they will all say “It was the mental illness that destroyed her more year after year.”
It’s like my life is nothing more than a pill bottle of psychiatric medication now.
I f*cking hate psychiatry honestly, it’s not even a fascinating subject and the scientists involved are horrendous at their jobs.
Sometimes, for a few days, or once for two weeks, I stopped caring what anyone thought about my life or what anyone would think if I left it. Most of the time I care, so nice when I don’t.
I’m glad you didn’t do it. Ups and downs are a part of life. Some of us get more downs for some reason. I’m struggling right now too. Glad I found this forum.
13 comments
Same
I am glad you are not part of that statistic.
I’ve been wanting to kill myself for 11 years. It’s either kill myself or leave state/side of America/ country those are my only two options. And my only terms.
Where do you wanna live?
Somewhere where it’s warm and I can study in peace
What do you want to study?
Probably something other than how to kill yourself every day for 6 years
I reread this tonight not realizing I had commented. Not many posts today. I was going to chime in on your statistics. DAMN STATISTICS. I don’t want to be a f*cking statistic ever.
What do you have against math?
We are all statisticized. Why? Because despite us believing (or wanting to believe) that we are unique individuals, we are more alike than we are uncommon. It is our similarities which enable us to relate to one another — as well as to be typified by our commonalities.
There are statistics for everything we do, including visiting this site, such as number of visitors per day, how long a person tarries on the website, how many comments does an active user make, are those who make comments more or less likely to report feelings of (fill in the blank type of) depression? There are statistic on regions, ages, gender, etc.
It’s just math.
I’m some irked because once I commit suicide (when I commit suicide) planned for many years because… well, oppression, debt, inability to amass money, fear of debt.
But I will be forever judged after death and statisticated into they were in mental hospital for “mental illness” and belong to those who “stop taking medication which ‘treated’ them’ experimental group. I will just always be recorded as someone with “schizoaffective/bipolar/high-functioning autism/ depression/anxiety” who stopped taking medication and killed the self” but I don’t have any mental illness, just the dumb wh*res writing me up with those scripts year after year… I’ve never wanted to take the medication. They are trying to treat me an illness I don’t have and in doing so severely harmed me. Meds did more harm then good.
But I know that if I suicide they will all say “It was the mental illness that destroyed her more year after year.”
It’s like my life is nothing more than a pill bottle of psychiatric medication now.
I f*cking hate psychiatry honestly, it’s not even a fascinating subject and the scientists involved are horrendous at their jobs.
Sometimes, for a few days, or once for two weeks, I stopped caring what anyone thought about my life or what anyone would think if I left it. Most of the time I care, so nice when I don’t.
That was for COD:S
I’m glad you didn’t do it. Ups and downs are a part of life. Some of us get more downs for some reason. I’m struggling right now too. Glad I found this forum.