The time has come

The love of my life has thrown me away.  She said she loved me more than anything.  She told me I was amazing.  She said I don’t want to be with you.  Why?  Just because.  Yeah , Yeah, we all have a story like that.  I’ve been fighting depression for 30 years or so.  Everyday convincing myself tomorrow will be better.  One day it actually happened.  I met the most amazing woman God ever created.  Perfect in every way.  She is so pretty, so smart, funny, creative, caring, and loving.  For 6 weeks I finally knew what it felt like to be happy.  It really is an amazing feeling.  Then she started to change. Still amazing but suddenly more reserved. We were together for 2 years.  One day she can’t imagine life without me.  The next day she’s done and she meant it.  She’s cold, distant, but still happy.  When the one person who changed your life, who means more to you than anything, who is the most important person to you, walks away for no reason, how do you recover.  Already sad for 30 years.  Already attempted suicide multiple times.  Why not now?  In 4 weeks, she leaves, family members dies, daughter diagnosed with incurable disease, ex wife laid off from her job & needs money all the time.  Thanksgiving spent alone.  Nobody called, no body cared.  My daughters asked to not spend the day with me.  Treated like trash.  Feel like trash.  It’ll be easy to let go…to simply fall back into the abyss, float.  Imagine the beauty of the silence.  No swirl in my head.  No torture of trying to convince yourself that maybe tomorrow is the day.  Someday it will be my time…..sometimes someday just never comes.  Seeking peace I say goodbye