where did it go

It would be so much eaiser if I just ended it all but I’m scared of dyeing and I hate that I am cause it would be so much easier if I wasn’t. I just don’t know where my happiness went it was here one time and then gone another. It comes back in times but sadness always finds a way to run that happiness away, maybe it’s just the thoughts that are to strong and the happiness is too weak to handle. I just want the thoughts to stop the sadness to go away and just for my life to be over. On the outside people see a happy person who is strong but on the inside when I am alone the thoughts come and that strong person is gone that happy person just stops acting, people think it’s me rolling my eyes but it’s me holding back tears so they don’t see the weak me the me that can’t handle being alone because when I am I just start to break down about everything and nothing.