I’m supposed to write a test for a job opportunity later today. I haven’t slept AT ALL, nor have I gotten ANY studying done. I just can’t focus.
I just have adrenaline coursing through my veins and I am TERRIFIED to receive this test via email. I am having a very visceral flight or fight response, and I just feel like I need OUT.
And the thing is, this happens to me frequently when I’m trying to work or do something important, like taxes. (Instead of getting better with age it has gotten worse…when I was in school and university it would happen and I would power through but I’ve somehow lost that ability….)
It is taking every scintilla of strength I have right now not to enact my suicide plan. I just want out of here. RIGHT NOW.
5 comments
OMG….Look at the bigger picture. If a job test is creating this much stress for you, just skip it. As far as taxes, what is there to be stressed about? IT’s called Turbo Tax and you seriously have months to work on it; people you can call for advice and help and …pretty much no downside. Suicide seems like a pretty drastic response to job hunting and taxes. If you can’t focus, maybe you need a different kind of work like picking fruit from trees or watering plants at a plant nursery. Go with the flow a little as long as it doesn’t flow to the river of no return.
I hope things have stabilized. I understand the terror and insanity of amxiety/panic attacks. It’s not easy. At all.
Thanks so much for your support. It was a rough time but miraculously I managed to get through the exam. I finished it in time and I think I did well enough to move on to the interviews, but I guess we shall see…
Okay sweetie, breathe.
Picture something beautiful.. Sun going down over the horizon whilst watching from the beach shoreline, toes in the sand.. Feel the tiny little grains of sand sliding around, over and under your feet as you slowly wiggle your toes. The sky is a gorgeous collection of oranges, purples, and pinks as the sun tiredly retreats – as if sinking beneath the calm cool ocean waters. There is only a light ripple resembling what could be waves in miniature form. A warm breeze caresses your cheek.
Breathe. You’ve got this
Thanks so much for the support. That’s really beautiful imagery. I did manage to calm down enough to write the test. (I was up all night and was freaking out right up until a few hours before the exam when I finally calmed down enough to write it. Ironically, it turned out that it didn’t matter that I hadn’t studied properly, because what I would have studied would not have helped! I managed to finish the exam on time, and I’m pretty sure I did well enough to move on to the interview stage…so we shall see.