Major depression.
I have pushed it too far on my own. I pushed it too far and now there is a visible damage. I can’t fall asleep. I’m extremely sad. I feel so alone. I feel emptied.
I feel that if I’ll jump a high story building, I’ll enjoy the rush. I’m not sure what got broken up in my mind. But I’m sure that I pushed too far…..
I hope that…I will gain the power needed to finish my plans (of succeeding University and paying off all financial debts).
I’m always positive, and logical……I plan through my way to the top.
Buy I fucking crashed you guy. I crashed. I went through some old E mails. I can’t say I’m happy as I used to be. I can’t say that I feel the feelings I used to feel.
Something in me died on the way.
I saw so much fucked up shit that staying alive is well blessed. That is all I need, to durable this path.
I wish I would over come this lonely dark feeling.
I think that getting a girlfriend will help me a lot…… Perhaps it isn’t the right reason, but it is blessed.
Anyway…..
Stay strong, be brave, yours Jac.
1 comment
when you go through any kind of trama or witness it yes it’s possible to have major depression. I have it. Just by posting this you have hope. It’s there. It’s okay to crash your human. You know how many times I went to suiside watch places? How many times I relapsed? How many pills I was on? It’s okay. I’m still here. Your here. If you have someone that is good. Go for it. But know that it’s you who gets through it. Because you have hope. You may not feel it but your strong. I didn’t think I was but I am. It’s the motions. And sometimes I get knocked over by emotional waves barley coming up for air. I felt like a storm out of control. Sad angry helpless. I’m embracing the storm I am the storm. Only I can calm it. But having support from others helps so much. I hope you know from your pain one day you will find your stronger. I have scars. Pain can leave a scar but it’s part of me. Not all of me. Something inside radiates hope don’t lose that.