I want to quit.

I’m extremely broken. I want to quit my life.
I know I won’t do it, but I’m really sad.
I feel so fucking dead inside. I feel alone, I feel that the damn is breaking the and there is a leak through the cracks.
I feel like the burden on me is too much.
I’m always worried of what is the financial status of my house is (we are always in debt, the question is how much). I feel like I’m a prisoner on a break through, trying to score this degree studies with out having the ability to finance it.
I feel like I don’t fucking belong.
I don’t have true friendships because I can’t fucking open up. I have a master plan, and it is to leave to Germany right after I finish my first degree.
Im going through this only so I could re start my life somewhere abroad at the age of 24, studying for a Masters engineering.

I know it is fucked up, but that is my plan to escape it.
Many people who know me, didn’t actually met the real me, but the fake me. The one that doesn’t share too much details because one day he would love to go on his plan and block all of them out of his life.

All I’m missing right now, is just a little bit of a push in my motivation, and perhaps a good sex and liver.

Humor aside, The only reason that I won’t kill myself would be that I’m already close to accomplishing my plan..

I wish I will succeed executing this.

Stay strong, be brave, yours Jac.