Mental illness

Ive been living many different mental illnesses such as BDD, BPD, mood disorders, anxiety, depression as well as PTSD. Its been hell. I cant work because i have no idea when ill have a break down they seem to come out of the blue. It has stopped me from graduating, i took a year off my studies to try and work on myself threw therapy but it hasnt been working. Ive now returned back to mt studies and im still finding it hard. Im loosing hope on everything. I can be a complete asshole to my partner. I dont mean to be but tbh its my way of pushing him away so when i do decide its time for me to go it wont hurt him as much. Plus i dont think he would want to live with the fact ” my gf died of suicide” he would be asked so many questions and i know it will eat away at him. I found this site while searching for suicide methods that are quick..
But instead came across this.. im not too sure if this is a legit site but im telling whom ever reads this because not even my closest sistwr nor my partner know im going to end my life sometime before summer. This is really haed living like this. Everyday its a shit show in my head but because its not phyical im told to get over it.. haha the basic answer youd normally get from people who dont get it. Is there anyone else out there wjo struggles with these same disorders all in one? Please if you do please talk to me. I litetally feel alone in this…
-just a girl