Back yet again

Hi y’all. I actually haven’t been on here in over a year. Life was… Still hard, I was still depressed, but it seemed to be really looking up. I had(have?) an amazing boyfriend, I started having a few new friends (actually only two, and one of my other friends moved away, but still), everything was starting to be okay, even though at times I still wanted to die, I wasent planning on taking my own life anymore. And yet… Here I am again. My boyfriend and I are fighting all the time, my parents have forgotten me again, and the depression has gotten so much worse… I’m not at all trying to be preachy here or anything, honestly preachy people annoy the crap otta me, but I’m even a freaking Christain, who believes in a God that loves us. I believe my suffering has purpose somehow. I should find hope in that. I should find hope in the fact I can probably make up with my bf, and that he loves me and thinks I’m amazing. But I don’t. I’m still stuck here, still stuck in the pain, the numbness of constant struggle with depression. Because I know if I give up this fight, I’ll hurt all the people around me. But it’s always so tempting to do these things… Cutting, jumping, pills, anything really. This just sucks… Anyways. Sorry for ranting. My bestie who normally plays theripist for me hasent been texting me very often anymore, and I had no one else to pour my feelings out to, cuz nobody but her and my bf know I’m like this…