The misspelling was intentional.
Not sure why, being as successful of a man as he is, but dad isn’t the greatest writer. During a big event in my life, he wrote me a letter telling me that “You are the defination” of my family name. As I look at the letter lying on my desk, and how much it meant to me for years, it now curses my existence. A few months ago, he gave me parting words the exact opposite than the ones from before. Now every night I drink and re-read those words, yet now it is in a different context.
I have aspirations. At least, everybody that knows me thinks I do. Being the child of such a great man, there are high expectations for me not only from others but also from myself. That’s why I can’t let anybody know how I really feel. Maybe he has seen through the facade. I was told that I brought shame on the family name, have no aspirations, and am worthless in all regards. While statements similar to this are made on many occasions by him, this one still reverberates within me. I don’t know if I will ever prove to be valuable to him. I don’t know why I care so much. He has always been my hero.
I don’t know what to say. I’m starting to get drunk. The letter that used to be so crisp on the yellow notebook paper is now bent and tarnished with a mixture of tears and whiskey. I can’t let anybody else see who I truly am, or rather how I truly am. I know you all have far greater problems than I. My weakness is starting to get the better of me and I must express my thoughts somewhere. Suicide, as always, is a dream I must keep a dream.
Y’all have a good night, god bless
3 comments
Problems are gauged as big or small by those who suffer them. Don’t ever feel as though your sufferings should go unheard because of how they might compare. Especially here because we care and want to help.
Family, friends, society…Expectations come from all over but that doesn’t mean we have to live up to them.
People will say things about us but that doesn’t mean that they are right.
We make our own dreams. We choose our own path and that’s how it should be.
Parents will try to guide their children. Good parents support their children.
I wish I could help you feel better. I’ll have a drink with you and wish you well.
Cheers to that!
Cheers!