I’ve been thinking about me lately about how strange things have been.
First was the attempt I made on myself, which has left me with a broken mind and a body that just can’t move like it used to. Usually the first to find out about these things would be immediate family and circle of friends, but not in my case.
The first to realise something had gone seriously wrong was the mother of a friend that lives on the opposite side of the world. I don’t even talk to her but she just knew something awful had happened to me and told her daughter (the friend of mine). She in turn became very worried and tearful that she contacted my local friends. I found it super weird that something like that happened.
Fast forward to the present. After much dipping and diving, I find myself at another low. I have all the tools at my disposal to make an exit, only I wasn’t sure if I should or shouldn’t. So I set a date for last week and flipped a coin.
Heads = yes, tails = no.
It came tails.
So I put it off. A few days later came one of the rare occasions when I went out. Before I did, I said to myself or whoever was listening, that if someone, anyone… comes to speak to me then I’ll hold on. Just ask me for a light, the time, directions… anything, it doesn’t have to be meaningful, just talk to me. And so, I leave to do what I had to do.
Nobody spoke to me on my way there, I finish what I had to and was making my way back, still no one. I was ready to resign myself when a homeless man then approached me and asked me for spare change… Wow. I gave him all my change and bought him a meal. I was pretty mind blown when I got back.
A day later, still reeling from it, I asked, “What the hell? Do I do this or not?”
Again I don’t know if I’m talking to myself or someone else but I had to ascertain things. So I flipped a coin again.
Tails.
I laughed. Not a happy or cynical laugh, but the kind where you just don’t have a clue what is going on anymore.
Now the last few points could be debated as coincidences but the first one was far, far too strange. It’s really got me thinking that there’s far more to everything than we can see or maybe I’ve finally gone crazy.
4 comments
I’ve been in the same weird scenarios where i’ll debate it and do heads or tails or other things to let fate decide whether it’s my time or not. I’m a believer in fate so in these cases i’d honestly think your fate is just saying it’s not your time to go yet and to hold on. I know living in a constant do or don’t phase really blows and completely draining at times but I’d like you to hold on I hope your day/month/life gets better soon 🙂
I’m also choosing to believe… For now, anyway. I can only hope things get better, but “hope” is such a far fetched word and I’m really reaching my wit’s end. I just want to have a life again.
Believe my friend! There is more to thus world than we can know and we are more powerful than we think. Tap into the goodness that I know is inside you and let the universe sing to you.
Thanks. It’s nice to know there are others out there who actually understand. I’ve done a lot of good in the past and I still try to, but too many people have turned a blind eye to it all and instead nitpick and jab their fingers at me. I suppose I’ll weather it for a little longer, though I’m not expecting a great miracle.