Thoughts and Feelings

Do you ever have a really intense thought that u desperately want to let out, but the one person you trust the most is the person that the thought will personally effect, so you have no choice but to hold it in and let it eat away your mentality until you’re stuck sitting there at ridiculously late hours wondering the point of anything? I’m so exhausted of living a lie that I’m forced to live instead of letting out the truth. I want so much from life but who am I kidding? I’m never going have anything, I’m never going to amount to anything, I’m just gonna keep living a hidden truth covered with a fake smile and an open heart until the day I pass…
I just wanna live. I wanna be happy, but I have no way to make that happen and I’m beyond tired. I’m like a hungry man with no chance of feeding, a lonely man with no chance of companionship, a trapped man with no chance of escape. And for what? Nothing, literally nothing.