Im really thinking that someone or something is out there screwing around with us. For me, the way things have fallen into place seem too precise to be a coincidence. It’s one constructive drop after the next and I am helpless against them. I am losing my mind and don’t want to lose anymore. There wasn’t much to begin with and I just don’t think I can hold.
I’ve been contemplating about making an exit for some time now, but still unsure about it, I do the coin toss. Heads=yes Tails=no
Seriously… what are the chances of landing 7 tails in a row? The way everything has panned out has lead me to ask
“WHO IS DOING THIS!?”
and
“WHY?!”
Because I don’t see any reason at all.
6 comments
The odds are 1 in 128 so pretty hood actually. You could do this a few million times before winning the lottery.
I know what you mean though. I have felt like things are put in place and do not just happen.
The worst part is having no power to do anything. 1/128… that still leaves me on the fence. Ill probably stop with the coin flipping once I’ve made a firm decision.
You do have power though. You have the power to see it different from how it appears. To give a chance to yourself at finding a different path. You have the power to not give in to letting something else force a destiny on you. You have the power to try something completely different from anything you have ever tried.
You have power but you must take it first.
That sounds like one hell of an uphill battle. Nothing wrong with trying, I guess. Not like I have anything to lose.
I was 18 and had already tried killing myself several times from the age of 8. I wanted to leave my hometown or die. I didn’t have any money or any idea what I was doing and I took off down the road with my thumb out. I’m just saying give something a shot. Anything. I wanted to leave or die and i didn’t think I could leave. I kept telling myself that too until one day I just said “Why not just go.” and I did. I just left and started hitching.
I’m 38 now and still struggling but I don’t believe we ever stop struggling. We just learn tricks to distract us or keep the struggle bearable.
Wow, that’s pretty impressive. I suppose when venturing into the unknown there’s a fine line between fear and excitement, and I think I’ve lost most of my fear of dying.
Keeping myself distracted is a problem though. It’s hard to keep it up all day and I can’t rest without having my mind wander. Thanks for your input, it gives me something not depressing to think about.