Welp, I’ve set everything up to finally take my life. And yet, I always contrive reasons in my head to postpone it. I have no feelings of wanting to hold on desperately to life, I’m past that point. Yet I keep floundering on this misrable planet, waiting and waiting for nothing.
Strange, isn’t it?
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Yeah, i sometimes feel that way too. It’s like i have these life-ruining addiction, i keep making decisions that are ruining me and hurting me and then i want to kill myself, but i just don’t do that and i have no idea why. Maybe i am too weak to do it or i don’t know.
It’s not strange at all. I think we are programmed to preserve life. Our subconscious tells us to live. Maybe your mind really doesn’t want to die. My mind doesn’t want you to die.
I had done the very same thing you write about for decades. One time I ran out of reasons and then damn if several somebodies team didn’t team up and contrive (?) reasons for me.
Not that strange. I know the feeling well. Here’s to you having the strength and luck to make it another day and hopefully find what will ease the existence.