Anxiety is fucking awful, you probably all know that. It’s constantly consuming me and forcing me to stress over every tiny thing, but I’m not motivated enough to actually act on any of these fears. “Worrying about work due in the next day that you haven’t done yet? Never mind, it’ll only make you more miserable.” I can’t go on like this- it’s killing me.
Every second, every minute, every day, my guts twist and ache inside me, even when there isn’t anything wrong. There’s an endless, nagging terror of:
“If things seem to be going well, then something’s got to go wrong soon.”
And so I wait, forever. Always, always, waiting for something to go wrong, and being utterly terrified of something that does not exist. “It’s okay, it’s only in your head.” People say. I wish they’d realise that the fact that it’s only in my head just makes me feel more insane and ashamed of myself. I really think I’m going mad.
2 comments
I had a 48 hour period this week where it was all I could do not to just climb in a bottle of tequila and call it a day. Anxiety sucks.
I’ve waited for things that did come and others that never did.
as to your waiting, things will without a doubt always go wrong in some way, because nothing can stay alright all the time.
so yeah, something will go wrong, and in the meantime you just carry on. anxiety is exactly what you described, but that first example? for your own sake tale care of things like that even when you don’t want to. it’ll lessen the overall load at least.
as for mad, welcome to the club.