Just thinking….

I’m just sitting here thinking about my life. Thinking how I’ve been in a transitional living house with other recovering addicts like myself. I was there for three almost four months in total. Today I just got fired from the job I was at. Unfortunately it wasn’t my fault at all. The story goes as followed. I was working at a treatment center where I was the executive assistant of the program one below the owner of the program making very good money for not only my age but also for my education that I have. Anyway to put things into prective I’m supposed to do three OP meetings a week followed by another four NA/AA meetings throughout the week as well. I stop going to the three OP meetings and just went to the NA meetings because I found that I like them way better then the OP but the catch was that in order to live where I was I have to go to the OP meeting bc that basically pays my rent so to speak while I live in the house.

During the 2 and a half months that I was going to the required OP meetings I seen really bad practices taking place. From people nodding off so bad that the so called counselor there had to call 911 just to make sure he was ok. Then to top it all off nothing was done to him there was zero consequences to his actions. There was also the weekly group of people who would come and just nod off while they were there and they again no consequences for them as well.

So while being there for the three and a half months the that I was in the program I only had one dirty UA. Other then that I was doing very well. I got a sponcer, picked a homegroup, and even started step work along with regular therapy involved in all of this. I was doing better then everyone in the group but one day I had a falling out with the counselor who ran the groups. I ended up calling her out in front of the owner and really made her look bad.

So fast forward a month I just got a job I was doing very well as expected but I got stabbed in the back by the counselor. See she knew my boss and the program for which I worked for. So the counselor contacted the program director and told him all of the medications I was on as well as the doses. So the director contacted my boss and told him that she couldn’t keep me on the pay roll bc he was going to lose his license over me being that I was on psychiatric meds as well as methadone. So today she had to let me go. So I told my girlfriend and we packed my stuff and headed to a hotel.

so now I have no clue what I’m going to do next. With only a little over $100 in my pocket and no way out of this situation so now I’ve been just thinking about stopping my psychiatric medication and saying duck everything and putting my nose to the grind stone.

I’m so angry and hurt. I feel so backstabbed because of everything that happen today. I even went into the bathroom and started cutting my wrist just to take out some of this anger and aggression that I have for this counselor. Everything in me wants to punch her lights out but instead I’m going to file a lawsuit against her and take her to court. For violating a HIPP law! She had NO right to tell anyone any of my business and I cannot wait to see her in court. I’m going to look for a good lawyer tomorrow morning when I wake up. I’m so angry at where my life is now and I just don’t want to feel anything.

I don’t want to use at all I just want to get back at this person so bad that it’s all I can think about. I feel like I’m now back at square one but this time worse and without all the drugs. I want to give up more then ever right now but I know I can’t that I have to keep going on and fight this whole thing no matter what the outcome is. Because at this point it’s really the principle behind it all.

She fucked me over and I cannot wait to do the same to her. I want this person license taken away so she can no longer practice in any state that she goes to because what she did was so wrong.