Can’t stop trying to turn back time to when I made the biggest mistake of my life and agreed to let doctors who misdiagnosed me as schizophrenic and injected me with paliperidone, an antipsychotic, which has destroyed my brains pleasure function.
I took cocaine yesterday for the first time since getting injected, i was unable to feel a thing from it, no inner warmth no rush of pleasure, just a flat bone dry brain. This further confirms it for me, i am devoid of anything nice and good if even cocaine can’t make me feel pleasure for a minute. I was right to attempt suicide for the last 2 months, I’m attempting suicide everyday. The scariest attempt was using a helium hood, I probably won’t have succeeded with the set up i had but I genuinely believed it would kill me, i would be traumatised by that memory if i didn’t have so much more to deal with each day.
Every day is incredibly hard, how can anything be enjoyable if coke and sleep give me nothing, no new feelings or thoughts. I never imagined this was even possible and now I’m having to live through it.
I don’t want to see another day. I got herded like cattle and had my human rights violated to the fullest, the right to a peaceful existence good healthfreedom and happiness permanently erased. I hate the psychiatrists extremely. Watch out for them pumping you full of drugs if you end up on a ward for being suicidal.
I’ve had to take loss of every single thing I have ever known and worked for and everything i held dear to me, I get no pleasure rush from gym training and wake up with such a bad headache after every nap that nothing is worth getting involved in, i don’t listen to music even and that was all I did just a few months ago, fuck my life and fuck psychiatrists they should all be injected with their own medication, ive been attacked by the government on an atrocious level.
It’s a sickening thought I have to plan my suicide so early, the only consolation is that once dead nothing matters, i want to haunt the doctor that did this to me when I’m gone.
25 comments
I’m so sad right now, I have not tried to hang myself, because I’m such a coward, I feel like I’m just postponing the inevitable. I also can’t enjoy anything right now, since I really do think my future is bleak in any direction. This world is playing tricks on me.
I was looking up charcoal suicide method, but that doesn’t seem as peaseful as some may say it is.
If suicide was easier, I would not be here anymore.
I’m hurting so bad right now.
I can’t live and I can’t kill myself.
I would go to dignitas if I had the money. There is no way they would turn me down. I don’t think charcoal is wise, I don’t want to tell you what to try for overdose because I don’t think you ought to die. What hobbies and interests do you have?
I used to have hobbies and interests, I enjoyed the small things in life. But right now I can’t enjoy anything, I can’t even enjoy food sleep and showers like I used to.
I used to enjoy working out, my job relaxing after work, mechanical work on my car.
Now I feel like I’m going to loose everything, and it’s all a matter of time. I’m scared that I’m going to kill myself soon, and even if I dont, I will be living in fear anyways. I’m even sexual ly dysfunctional cause of all this.
I was starting to feel a little better, because I thought my mom would be willing to move some assets around to protect them, but she is not willing, I had this problem with my dad and brother earlier last few months, it seems like everything is going against me, and sometimes I get teased with just a glimpse of hope just to be shut down again. I’m going crazy literally and I could feel my health declining every day that goes by cause of all this.
You’re not going to lose your health, you have everything to live for. You’re not in pain that would be valid to end your life you could get convicted for fraud and put in jail eventually you will be out you can move state and start a new life on your own the world is your oyster you have your health
I feel like my family will be loosing the beuitiful homes we own because of my dad’s cancer needs experience surgery and I don’t know if he is unintentionally commiting medicaid fraud. I’m trapped in a scenario I can’t get out of.
Living a nice life then all of a sudden having your home and all your money plus messing up my record will turn me into a fish out of water.
There might be a chance he is not commiting fraud but if he is its unintentionall.
I hate how welfare let’s you get away with it so then they can just charge you with it. It’s really easy to commit welfare fraud especially unintentionall.
I could just kill myself before experiening all those failures. I have already dealt with a lot of pain since I first thought of suicide.
Like you I made a stupid mistake and the consequences have been haunting me for months now!! I see no way out, suicide is the only option!! I can so relate 🙁
Can you share with me what mistake you made and how old you are?
Sorry I’m not comfortable sharing my story atm, but it has certainly made me suicidal. There’s absolutely no way out, I’m dead inside! I wish I was physically dead!! I’m 35, what about you?
I’m 32 years old, and I’m dead inside too, I’m in emotional pain all day, not one minute goes by where I feel ok.
I was thinking hanging for myself and still am, but after trying a few times I know it won’t be easy. Sometimes I think of a train for suicide, but I think that might be more painful.
And I think drug overdose is not a reliable method which I don’t want to end up worse than what I already am.
What method have you been thinking about, or tried?
I feel you! Every minute is agony!!! I’m thinking of either hanging or charcoal burning, but I have not attempted them. What about you?
I thought I was ready to hang myself, but discovered it’s not easy at all. I’ve tried a few time but end up backing out. It takes a lot of courage to do it.
I was serious in doing it everything was set, and I could not go through with it, this happened about 3 times. I’m thinking next bad thing that pops up, which I feel won’t be too long, it might give me that push to do it. I’m one step away from the edge. I have everything ready I could do it tonight if I had the courage.
I’m really mixed up right now.
I was looking up charcoal method but even though it seems effective, it also seems painful, and from what I read you can really damage yourself if it’s not completed.
Although i hardly see reposts on this website from people who say they are going for a charcoal attempt. Maybe they completed the act. I don’t know. Charcoal seems like a big set up, especially if you end up backing out. Which happens even when you have full intent of finishing it.
I see, we are really in living hell! Even dying is so difficult! I hope you hang on long enough to find another way out!
There might be a chance he is not commiting fraud but if he is its unintentionall.
I hate how welfare let’s you get away with it so then they can just charge you with it. It’s really easy to commit welfare fraud especially unintentionall.
I could just kill myself before experiening all those failures. I have already dealt with a lot of pain since I first thought of suicide.
If youre on psych meds, especially SSRI’s or Antipsychotics, cociane wont work, because coke works by using your body’s serotonin. Also, I know it’s your own decision, it’s your body, your mind, and your life. I really don’t think the drugs are going to help though
I’m not on psych meds I had one shot months ago and I’m blocked from feeling. I’m not trying to get better i know i cannot, coke works on ssri and uses dopamine not serotonin, no drug comedown can match what I experience naturally
Is the damage permanent, any way to reverse it?
No reversal, cant reconstruct brain tissue that has been burned with acid. I felt as strong as the next man until they went into my bloodstream.
There’s a shit load of things I regret as well. It’s mostly relationship type of things I regret
thats normal to think about relationships, im dealing with life costing regret but then again i was targetted and im a victim of other peoples actions not mine
I’m trying to hang myself again.
im having a break today i think ill be back on it tomorrow but im gonna fail im sure. im waiting until i get the chance to buy my overdose drugs, fuxated! dont kill yourself mate read the shit im going through again and understand you have everything to live for. as much as i want someone to talk to about suicide i hope you get yourself out of here and out of this
What drugs are you buying? My scenario is very similar to yours although I had about 5-6 shots instead of 1. I agree after you have been subject to the hospitalization you will
Never feel happiness/pleasure/safe again. Your body is broken your mind is killed. Unless you could you know run away to some empty island somewhere… Um… I need a little input what do you think about overdose with alcohol. I thought I am able to drink heavy already, could I just down maybe a bottle of whiskey a bottle of vodka and then I have around 100% LD of some psych pills (of course with an anti-ematic so I don’t regurgitate) of course I read of alcoholics and rock & roll artists who accidentally drank too much and ended up dead..
If you guys think that would work I would be all set to go. Ive been ready to end my life for about 6 years…… um…I used to survive by living in my car until police force took that away (police been basically following me around run in with cops every few months since 2014.) now I’ve just been working on getting license back ~ 5,000$
I thought I’ve been trying to leave state in car so I won’t want to kill myself every day but now my insurance is around 400$ and I’ll never be able to pay that so I’ve come to terms that it’s just the best thing to do to go through with the suicide finally.
I’ve never made a major attempt but have planned on just a clean complete every day since 12….
I knew my situation would be unlivable since a child but didn’t know it could get worse… surprise!!
Broke starved suicidal depressed abuses 23 year old
Been suicidal since 12 vowed to end my life at 18
Ready to do it… just want to make sure my method sounds sturdy
Thanks for your help
I’ve thought about drinking to death but that would take hours and is unreliable and painful. I want methadone overdose. Many OD deaths are caused by it. It requires an obscene amount of drugs to take but I am least fearful of this approach.
I’m not even at step one of getting hold of the drugs it’s a mere fantasy at this stage, I need money, some way to get someone to sign up to bitcoin as I have no ID, and ill have to learn how to purchase over the dark net. There are several stories of methadone OD and all seem like they passed out painlessly and peacefully.
I don’t want to feel pain or discomfort, it’s bad enough having suicide to deal with, i like the idea of my body being shutdown while in a deeply relaxed state