Everything is going great for me…. My job, and my family and my physical health. I really have no worries in the world. Yet my mind is telling me I want to die. I’m bipolar and on a ton of meds which have been working pretty well. I’m not depressed and not too manic.
I just made arrangements to get some hard core drugs that I’m going to use in combination to see what happens. I haven’t touched illegal drugs in 3 years. However, that should slowly drift me off into neverneverland.
I’ve attempted suicide a few times but was saved everytime I went through with it. I think this time I’m going to retreat to a private place where no one will find me until it’s too late.
Oh well…. Sorry for the ranting. Just had to voice myself since I really can’t talk to anyone in my circle about this.
– Owsley
2 comments
I’ve felt the same way on and off for many years. The way I feel anymore I stay alive for other people. I really don’t care if I kick off tomorrow, but I know my kids would be heart broken if I die. They’re both adults in their 30s, but neither ever really had a mother, just me, their dad. Both live about a 12 hour drive away from me 4 states away.
Still, aside from my kids I really don’t have a particular reason to want to keep going. I have no friends anymore and very rarely get out of the house. My father, almost 90 depends on me so I am almost always at home tending to his needs.
Maybe it’s good to hang in there until your dad passes away since he’s relying on you. It may be too costly to put him in a retirement home.