I just want to be free again

  June 1st, 2018 by Cotton candy whispers

In January I tried to end it all. I’m in love with a man who I can never be with, he plays on my emotions and makes me obsessively crazy. It’s a power trip for him and I’ve never been more in love with anyone. I lost my well paying job due to depression and not being able to preform at work any longer. I’m married to a man who I don’t love, we are roommates that split bills and I desperately want out

The day I decided to leave, I took handfuls of pills until I blacked out. It was quiet and dark and I didn’t feel anything, until I woke up. I vomited for almost 24 hours and then it was back to life as usual.

I just want it to end. I can no longer support my former life style and am on the verge of losing everything I’ve worked for my whole life. I feel nothing, just emptiness and annoyance at all the day to day obligations. Work, bills, people, cleaning, drs appointments etc.

Once summer is over I will be trying it again. Hopefully I don’t mess it up again (it sucks when you fail so miserably that you can’t even die right) I hate the cold, I want to enjoy the summer as much as I can and then slip away In the fall.

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