I am just like every normal person in this world full of 7 billion people.
A great family. A bunch of friends. But why? Why do I feel like this?
I am not so sure myself.
Crying, screaming, yelling, all those nighmares came back for me. I knew this would happen beacuse at one point once something triggers me, I would explode into a thousand pieces inside.
All By Myself.
Its like a time loop you see, once I was alone and something very small goes wrong, I would repeat the same nighmare routine every day of my life. Once its over, I would just let myself die quietly then go back to my normal life.
I am sick of crying all the time, sometimes even for no god damn reason. I feel so pathetic. The thing I hate most in the world is being fucking pitied. I didn’t need any of my friends to give me those “sad” faces as if they had ever experienced it before.
At one moment, I would loose control and start cutting. Trust me, my cuts are small, I guess?
The easiest way to get revenge is to die. When I die, everything would feel better. no more drama. no more insults. no more people talking behind your back. no more pretending to be ok. no more fake smiling. nothing to feel but peace and quite.
If I killed myself, people would live in regret and suffer for as long as they could. People would finally start to say “sorry” when only something “dramatic” had occured.
So answer this, isnt it easier to die than to live?
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5 comments
It’s easier to die. Most people are already dead aren’t they? Then again it’s hard to kill yourself or so I’ve heard…
You look like a person who dares to look inside, like me. Please let me peek inside your soul.
What’s in there?
All I can say, is that my soul right now, seems to be in a better place than where I am and maybe its better that way?
I’ve tried killing myself, and it’s not easy.
And people will only remember you for a little bit and then they will move on, they won’t be sorry, they will be too busy with their own life.
You will not feel peace and quite, because you won’t be able to feel anything.
Whatever that means.
It’s difficult to phatom.
But I think I do wish I was never born.
The only thing that stops me from killing myself is the fear that in death we just experience a constant loop of memories and there is no god, no afterlife, no eternal nothingness; only you and what you’ve known in life with no external input of new information. So if the memories are all shit – which mine are – then you’ve got to at least make something better for yourself inside your head, just in case that’s all that’s left on the other side.