A letter to myself

Noah, even though god has been a complete DICK to you in the last ten years, he still loves you VERY much. As do many many MANY people. And just because he’s been a complete dick to you in your life, does NOT mean he will guaranteed ALWAYS treat you this way. Yes, he will probably continue to treat you this way for quite a long ass time, but the idea of him treating you this way FOREVER, is unimaginable. Things will very most likely be better ONE DAY, but not for a long long long LONG time.
Also, you remember your plan right? You will take your own like January 1 , 2020 , but only if you make it that far and nothing is even SLIGHTLY better. But you are not to make ANY decisions like that until then. Remember you have the freedom to choose whatever you want with your life, and remember, fuck anyone who tries to tell you what to do with your own life. Fuck those dicks. But since it’s probably a good idea to wait to see how you feel in approximately a year and a half, rather  than acting on your suicidal feelings now, just wait until then and see how you feel. Hopefully, it will improve by then so you won’t have to take your own life, but if it gets so bad you can’t take it, just remember you ALWAYS have the option of ending your own life. Hopefully things will work out for you buddy, but if they don’t, you know exactly what you will do, and when it will happen. Best of luck to you, my friend.