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Feelings

by Chanty

For a while now, I’ve been experiencing this feeling of emptiness. Things that used to interest me, don’t anymore. No matter what I do, I feel like something is missing. I just don’t know what that is.
It’s so frustrating.
I always feel like crying. It seems like all I do these days is cry; I try to stop, but the tears just keep coming like a broken faucet.
Urghhhh why am I like this? I don’t understand my own feelings. The smallest things make me mad. The smallest things make me sad.
Sometimes, the tears come with no warning and I feel this pressure against my chest that I just want to tear out.
I find myself hiding my emotions from others more often now. Sneaking into bathrooms during class just so I could cry even though I have no reason to do so, Pretending to yawn when the tears just want to flow and my favorite, blaming it on my period.
I don’t know why I am like this. I have no reason to feel this way. I have a family who loves me and I have everything that I need. We may struggle financially sometimes, but that doesn’t bother me. So Why am I like this?
Why do I feel so empty, so lonely?
I don’t understand.
I just want to be happy.

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ida.daniel 7/15/2018 - 11:11 pm

Sorry that you’re also empty and on the verge of tears. It’s hard for me to induce crying as a man, but it does help when I’m able to. Just gazing into the static of my mind.

I’ve been staying away from activities I enjoy, but yesterday I visited a nature conservatory and felt better despite myself. Small steps, waking up can be an “achievement” if you frame it that way.

annon111 7/17/2018 - 8:09 pm

Yeah the tears run out… after a while they don’t come anymore and you may be forced to turn to other methods to release your feelings/pain

Pandaren 7/18/2018 - 1:39 am

Welcome to depression.

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