i really dont feel like being around anymore (vent)

im so stressed right now. im always messing up stuff and it really sucks. my best friend backstabbed me because i did something really stupid that i shouldnt have done. my girlfriend is growing distant. i have other issues too. a close friend killed herself about a year ago, i miss her a lot and i hate the act of suicide but i feel like i might have to resort to it. i dont think ill ever go through with it though, im staying alive for my parents, the friends i have left, and my cat. i think i might end it all soon though because theyre getting old (my legal parents are my grandparents) and they both have bad bad health issues and might die soon :(. my biological mother doesnt give a shit about me and she left me for drugs. i barely get to see my sister now, because she is in custody with her piece of shit coke selling dad. i know im only a kid and that people have worse problems than me and i shouldnt be like this but i really dont see the appeal to staying alive anymore. nothing really gives it much meaning anymore.