I don’t know where to start but I’ll just state points. I’m not being negative, I’m just being honest. I almost had 3 attempts that were so thoroughly planned these 2 yrs. I know that the 4th will be attempted with no reverse;)
1) I am too naive for this world. Meaning; my crybaby ass self-has never faded. Somehow it got worse. I am the weakest person to the point of not being able to function properly for at least a min.
2) It’s obvious that I have a mental disorder. I know that it can be managed if I had my mom by my side or someone who I love as much as my mom, her nick is “Angel”. Since being alone is absolutely making me feel suffocatingly pathetic, I can’t live a minute with myself. Only these two people can help me.
3) I have a younger brother whos life will be better when I erase myself. Because then my family could EASILY afford to pay for his priv school and future uni. He would have anything he’d ask for. My family thankfully love my brother tons and I know that he will have a good life. I won’t be there making his life miserable.
4) My suicide won’t be selfish since I have no friends “thank god”, not responsible for anyone and anything and my so-called “Angel” officially left me without giving a second thought about my well being. My dad doesn’t want me to have a good life so he won’t be sending me to my mom, he wants me to rot and that whats literally gonna happen, how ironic. My family will have my brother as their main focal point.
5) If you reached here ,damn, cool. But I hope you didn’t misunderstand any part of my shit writing:)
5 comments
It’s sad that you have such low self-esteem for yourself. 🙁
Maybe you can try working and pitch in to help your family out?
Maybe do something easy and in a way you think you’d actually get along with the people around you, and they wouldn’t care if you’re a “crybaby” as you put it.
Also, no offense, but you either skipped reason 2 or miscounted, I only see 5 reasons listed. 😕
I wouldn’t call it a low self-esteem issue since I’ve had one in the past but the reasons for me being this way right now are simply because I have nothing to offer to myself and others.
I currently mostly work for myself, I do help my family out but there is a certain point on where I can’t cross into fully helping.
I did miscount it, I just now noticed it while rereading it.
A tear isn’t always equal to misery.
You have a point but let me tell you my version. What started as a tear when I was young, led to a build up of current destruction.
you’re not making anyone’s life miserable. do you really think your brother would accept a good education if it means your death ? of course not. you’re being selfish.
instead of ”sacrificing” yourself, fight. fight to give him the education you want him to have. walking away and giving up is easy, but fighting is hard.
if she could leave you that easily, she never cared. and you shouldn’t care about her either.
people will enter your life and leave it like it was nothing. thats how most people are.
instead of relying on others to make you feel good, grow your strength as a single person, thats the only way you will achieve something.