i know it’s temporary, so there’s no reason to act drastically or anything, but every night the pain gets a little bit worse, and the tension gets higher. And I know that cutting helps. I remember the pain, I remember the emotion, but I’m not going back. I just try to lie still until my own head tires itself out. I feel nothing, and I feel fucking everything at once and nothing helps. I’ve got a month and two weeks until I can get my prescription back on track, maybe, and I’m imploding right now in the present. And it’s not going to help me immediately, if at all. Everything hurts, and then it hides, and then everything hurts even worse, and then it hides again. I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep doing this. I don’t have a choice.