No matter

No matter what I say, I am trapped here

Lost, the pain just got worse

Even without missing your touch

I have endured too much

Things I never got to tell you, not that you wanted to know.

Not that you’d have understood the pain. I wish I’d never met you. I wish I’d shut doors sooner.

Not just to you but to everyone. Because I know most people don’t care about us.

They just care how we make them feel.

He just cared if I’d let him between my thighs, so he could crawl up into my mind and take over.

He took up my time and told me I wasted his. Wasted it how? “Perhaps it could have worked with a different energy” he said “I’m only one confused guy”. Little did I know he’d already got a new partner lined up.

I refused to talk in depth about myself, I took ever opportunity to do good by him, to go out my way for him.

So little to offer that I gave him everything. And all he gave me was an illusion. No loyalty, expectation to be treated as king but no one queen would suffice. They might as well be hunting trophies, hung up on display.

What is it for? Such an empty hearted person underneath. And I wonder if he had known how much trauma I’d sustained, at the hands of men alone… if it would have made anything different.

I doubt it.

I try to restore my faith in life but the sun beats down and I have no heart left, no will to meet it. And this honestly isn’t all about love.

I really did try. I can’t live without love. I really did try.