I’m holding his knife..
I know I won’t do anything, but I feel really close right now.
I’ve never felt so insignificant in my life.
It could all be over so quick, all this pain, and no one would care.
Fuck!
I want a good life, I really do.
I want a house with a wrap around porch, I want to travel the world, I want to have a daughter, I want to have a life with him.
But I don’t think I’m the kind of person to have those things.
I’m too fucked up.
Too mental.
I’m not smart, I’m not pretty, my friend’s don’t even fucking like me.
I’m worthless.
I have nothing to give the world, or myself, or him.
We got in a fight today.
Every time I think it’s his fault, it’s mine?
Maybe he’s right.
I should shut the fuck up and get the fuck out.
He saved me once.
Maybe I won’t give him the option this time.
8 comments
Don’t be so hard on yourself kat
It’s all true, it’s not that easy.
If he saved you once maybe tell him how you feel right now and tell him what this is doing to you
He’ll think I’m crazy.. he already thinks so much worse of me. My depression makes me do crazy things. He won’t understand. You should’ve seen his face when he caught me the first time..
He’ll think I’m crazy.. he already thinks so much worse of me. My depression makes me do crazy things. He won’t understand. You should’ve seen his face when he caught me the first time..
Well in a sense he already knows about this stuff so he wont be as surprised maybe…? Idk. I’m really sorry you are in this situation it must hurt alot to feel depressed and then still be pushed down.
I don’t know what to do anymore. I keep relapsing. I don’t know if I can make it this time.
I think you should spend some time on your own. From your last post, it seems like you’re in a toxic relationship, regardless of whether he “saved” you or not. I think you should take a step back and critically examine your relationship with him.
And you can have those things you want, you are not of a lesser “worth” or less deserving than anyone else. It’ll just take time, effort and a dash of luck.