i dont know okay

  August 12th, 2018 by defeatedbyrain

people love asking the question why

friends, family, peers, teachers, everyone always fucking asks you why you do anything

why did i get a bad grade

why was i crying

why would i get angry

why am i like this

and i dont fucking know

i dont know why everyday i stare at my door and wonder if i have enough time to chug a bottle of pills before anyone would notice

i dont know why i lock myself in my room and cry

i dont know why i loathe everything about myself from my looks to my personality to the fact ive been on this website for years

people always say reach out and get help, and i fucking try, okay? i try talking to friends and family, and they do the same! they still ask why!!

BECAUSE I JUST DO!

BECAUSE I STARE AT MYSELF IN THE MIRROR AND THINK “Wow, my parents made a big mistake giving birth to me”

BECAUSE THERE IS NO ONE IN THIS WORLD THAT HATES MYSELF MORE THAN I DO

and i dont know why

and god i just need to feel like there’s something to live for

because out of everything, i dont know why im still alive

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