so Any one read this post thank you..
Since I was 8 yrs old my uncle used to rape me,It happened two time but the other actions from him it was abusing and physical harassment until I become 16 I was able to stopped him.My father used to beat me like hell ,he was so cruel and aggressive and still.He was abusing me only I mean he never hit my sisters or brother he only beats me .I always left alone outside because he throw me outside the house when he was angry.I felt like tradh whole my life.My mom so weak to even speak still weak never defend me even once actually oneday she beat me also because My Father was so angry so she put all the blame on me .Now Im 28 .I committed suicide when I was 16 I took so many pills don’t remember what kind but I end up at hospital they never know that I swallowed that pills.I always want to kill and end my trashy life,I feel im worthless like im nothing.I get out of my house and live with my aunt Married once when I was 23 but still hate having sex ,or being touched especially by men .I feel alone always.I hate my body although im pretty but inside of me Im shattered.Im really seeking advice or help here or even someone understand me because no one does.Thank you .
13 comments
It’s NOT your fault you were abused, from what i’ve read from your post you have done nothing wrong, you were surrounded by bad people, do not feel guilty for what happened! I also took many pills once in an attempt once so I can relate to that part of your story
Im struggle in this life,my whole life is faults and mistakes,Nothing going the right way ,Im trying so hard but I cannot get out of this black circle which is surrounded me every time i want to step out of it ,I really want to love myself,thank you for reading my story
I want to break away can this help me or it will become worse for me since I cannot be alone with thses horrible thoughts in my mind?!!!
There is horrible thoughts in my head all the time as well, and the black circle you speak of I live inside of too. I try all the time too break out of that circle but can’t.
Im sorry to hear you feel the same ,Thats awful because I just want a push or a rope to hold on its like im drowning every time I tried,I have zero support around me.
Tell me what do you like it may help in feeling better,I do like to write and drawing,how about you ?
Good question, a difficult one to answer, I try to distract myself with movies and books but reality always comes crashing back with a vengeance.
I really understand,I like movies and reading too ,Movies which talk about life inspiration..What I cannot do is stop those thoughts in my mind.Im very kind person but I guess my family damaged my mind so thats why I cannot stop thinking negatively,I always watch the streets when its ruch time I want to throw myself in middle of the streets ,If I go yo the beach I want to throw myself in the sea and drown ..I wanna know how to stop these thoughts.
You could try medication and or therapy, neither of which I recommend with much confidence after having tried both to no avail, however they might work for you. CBT or cognitive behaviour therapy could help you stop thinking negatively, however as I mentioned earlier unfortunately it done nothing for me and I still think negatively.
Im considering therapy because I cannot take it anymore,Im afraid I hurt myself again or even people around me,Im just tired I cannot even sleep well because of nightmares,I will try at least for my self ,I really hope you find a way to get out from the black circle..Thank you for replying to my post very much
I hope you get out of the black circle too and thank you for your kind words.
I know its not easy ,or why we still trapped inside but at least I want to try for myself..
I thought of Suicide when I Always returns to the same spot ,I hate it when I come to the same place ,Just once i get over that miserable feeling I think I will survive..
Im new here and you responded to my post means a lot for someone like me ,I appreciate it
I am sorry you went through such a horrific trauma, I can not say enough that THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Therapy seems like it would be a good idea, I was raped by my older brother for a few years when I was little and then raped by a friend over a year ago. I started doing intense therapy for the trauma. It may not totally take the pain away but it can make some of the pain a little more easier to sit with on your shoulders. I am here if you need anything.
Thank you so much for reading my post..
I want to know can therapist help me get out those feelings? Can I can be at least normal with men ? Can I be able to trust anyone again,? I always think about these things because I failed with men a lot ,I mean any relationship I cannot give my trust to anyone,,thanks