not right

Hi whoever is reading this,

thank you again, for the comments in my last post. I had no idea that coming across this site and writing to strangers, would help me.

For my third post: I’m here to talk about some things I do, and that I hate, but can’t help it.

It’s about my emptiness again.

My friends talk to me about the things they do and are proud of all the time, or sometimes things that upset them. I can see how happy, or sad, they are about it. And of course I try, keyword try, to be happy or sad for them. But every time I say something, it seems so forced, almost fake. I don’t mean to, because I can see how they feel when they talk to me about it. For now, my acting skills are fine. I swear I can be the next #1 Actress every time I try to be happy for them.

I don’t feel sad, happy or anything when they talk to me about anything. It’s horrible, I hate it.

[The only person that I could actually feel any, well, feelings, would be with my best friend (my little crush and parents aside). She’s the only one who I laugh for real. I tell her everything, except for this problem I have. I just can’t bring myself to. I don’t know why.]

A friend, let’s call her Jade, called me on facetime to show me her singing skills. She had such a great voice, I knew that, I could hear it. But somehow when I said it or made small comments, it felt so fake. Not to her, but for me it did. I smiled and gave thumbs up when she would look at the camera. But again, it was just not right. Jade then showed me some old journals we wrote stuff in when we were little, it was funny, but whenever I tried saying it, it felt forced.

I hope you guys understand what I’m trying to explain. It’s so hard to explain it.

Again, the question in every single post I’ll write, am I alone in this?

Am I the only one feeling this way? Well, more like not feeling.

Until next time,

bye