I guess I just want to tell someone what’s on my mind without having to deal with people being scared or trying to intervene.
I think about killing myself all the time. I don’t think I ever will, but I wish I would. I have made a few…gestures I guess? I keep hoping that if I dangle my feet in the pool enough times I will take the plunge, but so far no luck. The only ways that I have access to are either really painful, really frightening, really difficult to do correctly or some combination.
I wish I didn’t have to do it. I wish I could just go to bed and set the alarm clock to “never wake up.” It seems so unfair that dying takes so much work. I don’t have the energy to live or die. I feel so trapped.
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Getting close makes it feel a little better doesn’t it, like freedom is within your grasp